Forum : Measure Of Success

Me : "Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it." If this saying be true, if you are naturally brilliant and success comes easy, would it  not be  much of a success then? Is success then relative to where everyone else is?

A : Wow....this is a very interesting. I'm really sleepy but this really has opened up my eyes.

I answer, yes. It's  really a yes.

Naturally brilliant is always called by the name, genius, and naturally not brilliant is always known as, drop out.

I've been thinking so much about this.When I was a child, I always wanted to be a genius, but when I got older, I started to look like a drop out. Hence I

started to appreciate the life of a drop out.

When I see a naturally genius, and naturally drop out, I see the "NATURALLY" as not fair. So I started to think what is the measure of success that is  most fair.

Now, I know who is a real genius. A real genius is, when he/she encounters difficulties, he/she tries  his/her best....no matter if he/she is a natural genius or a natural drop out....and result is not important.

Hamizao, am I fair enough?

B : "If this saying be true, if you are naturally brilliant and success comes easy, would it  not be  much of a success then? Is success then relative to where everyone else is?"

I don't agree. This is of the no pain, no gain mentality. You see, we equate struggle with deservingness, with success. 

I might even go as far as saying only effortless success is meaningful.

C : For me, it's not about YOU....It is about people around you who benefits from what you give up.

D : "So if you are naturally brilliant and success comes easy, is that not much of a success? Or is it relative to where everyone else is? "

You would probably want to look at the matter on hand this way Hami- if a gal is naturally brilliant then  her success is measured by the quantity of awards she has etc if we are taking the word success as literally as possible. I  am of the opinion that a person's success  would be best measured by the degree of importance of the field she is venturing into her research etc etc and the impact  - the degree of the  impact of her success to the ummah (community). Coz we live to contribute , right?

Then the question arising would be whether the impact of the success is basically - relative - to everyone else? So, if that person is brilliant she would have acquire a success of the highest degree within the class of her own, same level of playing field, right Hami? This is also fair as the difficulty or the challenges would be equating to the brain capacity, right?

Say -  a gal with an IQ of 156  does not have to give up anything , it lies in the way she  goes about things, the  way she adopts in tackling the challenges, the perception etc etc ..... So I go for the impact , not how much she needs to lose to achieve it.

Then again Hami, heheheh your statement could be plausible in certain situation ....or else there can't be such a saying : work smart not hard , right?

E : Success is a state of mind and it is very subjective. To me success is when one is happy with what he has and has no complaint about it  ..

Me : "A real genius is, when he/she encounters difficulties, he/she tries  his/her best....no matter if he/she is a natural genius or a natural drop out. The result is not important." 

Generally, I believe the measure of success  ought to be the actual achieved against expectation with a degree of "difficulty" thrown in - hence you may have  big success or small success. It can be relative too. To a genius, he may consider his success as small while to the normal , it is pretty big.

F : Any task completed is a success, self judgemental.

Me : ...and a task is naturally work, challenge overcame.

D : Hmm? How's that so Hami ?

B : It's not about whether you're brilliant or not.

It's how effortless can you succeed. Effort comes from ego. Look how I suffer, therefore I'm worthy, I'm noble. Get rid of that. This is my story. Look how I suffer. I am the hero. It's their fault. etc...

With effort, you strengthen ego. So, by succeeding  effortlessly, you transcend ego, you go beyond them, you break them.

D : So Hami ...success can be perceptively (subjectively) measured and objectively measured. But then with all the argument laid out now, why does one's piousness ( piety) also being taken as the yardstick? By God, right? i wonder actually....

Me :  Hmm... Well, people perceive that a pious person must also be this and that......a mere preconception I must say which may not be accurate all the time.

 D : That's why .. when the society (which society and from which groups?, is it) dictates what a pious person or perempaun Melayu terakhir (last Malay woman) should  be like, that's when  trouble starts .....after all we do not know how a person's success is best measured  what yardstick and the rationales behind it.

Me : Objectively , I like to use the analogy to;

  

work = force x displacement x cos theta 

force = effort

displacement = change

theta = synchronization betwixt effort and change.

As for the preconception, it does effect judgement. I am usually careful about such things as there are many factors in play.

D : Luv you when you talk physics.

 

THIS HOUSE RECOGNIZES.....

I must say our family life, it's values and the role of members have changed a great deal.

I recall Tun Dr Mahathir's account of the impact of the sound of his father clearing his throat - an announcement of his arrival home - would suffice to send him and his siblings scurrying to their books. My late mum used to tell me how quiet her siblings had to be at dinner table ....not a clicking sound of cutlery nor lapping was allowed. As such  most prefer not to sit with their dad  during mealtime! 

While I was growing up, my brother and I had our moments too. No talking while eating. Chew the food well and do not  simply push it down with the drink. However, absenting ourselves from mealtime  was a no-no unless we were ill. Dad would go looking for us and if necessary drag us back to the table. We all ate our meals together including the maid. With the quorum complete, all too  often it would also become the house court session.

Recently, a cousin-in-law had related her experience with my dad during her early marriage life. Cousin Bidi would often go to visit my parents to relish his favourite masak asam which mum would prepare for his visit. Little did his wife know what a diciplinarian dad was! Her every move and demeanor was being watched and comments were meted out immediately. The rest of us could not help but laughed out till we teared at her story.

Rule 1 : Only dad and my mum could sit crossed knee on the sofa.

Rule 2 : You do not hold the saucer at it's edge while drinking from the cup.  You should just place the saucer on the palm of your hand.

......and so on with the usual stuff on table manners. Even I was amazed! We put it to her that it was an initiation into the family!

When I was bringing up my own children, I focused a lot on their table manners. Among others, I advocated sitting down when eating and using at least the serving plate and  a fork when eating. It backfired one day when my son, then attending kindergarten, refused to eat his friend's birthday cake which was shared out in class. Apparently, the cake was served on a piece of serviette in the kitchen. Obviously my son was not able to handle that!  My son was also a stickler to the rules as far as food is concerned. He would  insist on the soup to be served first each time we had our meals in the restaurant. There were times when we had to order the soup just for him so that he would start his meal.

Today, I see our six year old grand daughter making decision on where and what to eat when we eat out. Gone were the days when the father's words were pure commandments and girls were only  seen and not heard. Wives are are putting their feet down more often. Many are even on the driver's seat  Are men turning out to be weaker fathers or husbands?

A quick check amongst some young Muslims at a forum I attended recently revealed that they want more communication between partners/spouses. The idea of a single leader of the family is  an outmoded idea. Personally, I feel it should remain in the Classical and Medieval times. All opinion should be based on knowledge rather than gender. Days when girls were not given an education have long gone by. In this country, the girls seem to be doing better academically. Growing up in an environment where they need to juggle between housework and schoolwork have also made them  multitasking if not better workers.........

These days, decisions especially those affecting the family are made through consultations. We did not replace our last maid on the recommendation of the children. As such they had to learn to stick to their agreement on how to handle and conduct themselves.  Usually, the younger the voice, the greater is the chance for it to be heard.....and hear we better do as we have learned!!

Is Reboiled Water Harmful?

A recent email from a friend reminded me of the frequent exchange of comments I have had with my hubby over reboiling of water for his cuppa. My reasoning is the boiled water can better serve by being chilled in the fridge for use as drinking water or refilling the ice trays. It may also be kept in a container should anyone prefer drinking water at room temperature. If you need hot water for making coffee or tea, boil a fresh kettle. 

We have been filtering  the tap water and then boiling it for our drinking water. The balance of water from the boil is often saved and cooled before refilling the ice trays and water bottles in the fridge. Reboiling  boiled water to attain the right temperature for making a drink is in my opinion  simply a matter of attitude.

The email purported that a report in a Chinese newspaper said that a TOP harmful chemical named (Toxic Nitrate) was produced in water when keep boiling it!! This harmful substance had been proved will increase the chances of intestines cancer and stomach cancer. 

The article cited the use of 'WATER DISPENSER with WARM  /  HOT WATER Functions' or 'Electric AUTO keep warm Thermos' which in effect repeatedly boils the water.

I am a bit baffled as I know water is water no matter how many times you boil it unless the water is already contaminated. Nitrate from fertilizers for example, may be contained in ground water. So boiling and reboiling water already contaminated with nitrate is something we want to avoid. As our water supply comes from the tap, I take it, it is safe.......

EARLY DAYS

The earliest memory of my early childhood days is about the house in the little town of Tampin in the State of Negri Sembilan where my maternal grandparents once lived. My grandfather was datuk (grandfather) to all my three siblings, the only grandchildren he had during his lifetime. He hailed from another small town of Alor Gajah in the State of Malacca, not very far from Tampin. Since he worked with the Land Office in Tampin, staying in Tampin was therefore most logical.

He had a house on a piece of land next to the Tengku Besar of Tampin’s residence, a district dignatory. I remember the house quite well as I used to go there when I was a bit older to help pick fruits. There were many fruit trees around the house. I remember the durian, rambutan, mangosteen and chempedak trees. The chempedak, a close relative of the jackfruit, was of a special variety. It had very thick flesh which I rarely see elsewhere. There must have been other fruit trees as well but these were the ones I remember well.

Chempedak fruit needs to be taken care of right from the start. To avoid pilforation by pests, the young fruits are usually covered with old newspaper, cloth or sarong tied up at both ends. Some even get dressed up in old shirts. When ripe they are either eaten raw or fried in batter made from rice and corn flour and a pinch of salt. A little tumeric powder may be added for colouring. If it was well fried I would even eat the seed inside as well. Otherwise we would save them to add in green fish curry or masak lemak as it is locally known. The only setback was we could end up with a lot of wind after that!

As for the hairy rambutans, also known as hairy lychee, there were a couple of varieties in datuk’s compound simply distinguished from the skin colours namely, red and yellow. Whatever variety, would be considered desirable only if the flesh could easily come off the seed when you bite it off. That's considered lengkang then. Plucking rambutans means the branches have to be cut about a foot from the fruit bunches so that they could be easily tied up in bundles. Those days we would use a long bamboo pole or galah with either a split at the end or a metal hook attached at the end. The idea is to lodge the rambutan branch into the split or hook and turn the pole to twist the branch until it breaks off. These days, a cutter designed for the job is fixed to the end of the pole. A rope is tied to the mobile part of the cutter so that when the rope is tugged the cutter would do its work. Ants can be a problem even to these days. They tend to be transported together with the fruits to start a new colony else where. The skin of the fruit may be peeled in two ways. One is by using the fingernail - usually the thumb’s- by lodging it into the skin and then splitting the skin apart. Some skin may be a bit tougher than others and with them you may end up with a sore thumb and dirty fingernail. The second way is to simply use a knife. These days, I prefer to cool peeled rambutans in the fridge for a while before eating them. A quick wash is usually beneficial to avoid developing a cough. It is normal to have a cough epidemic during fruit seasons. As such we usually drink warm water after a fruit eating session.

Mangosteens may be plucked either by using a bamboo pole with one end split up with several cuts to form a basket-like trough for holding the fruit. Usually, someone would climb up the tree with a basket. Only the sweet, white fleshy pulp inside is edible. The bitter, purple rind is discarded. Beware about smudging your clothes with it's purple stain. It could be a mother's washing nightmare!

Today, it is duped the queen of fruits. It is noted that as early as 600 AD, scribes in Southeast Asia recorded the use of the mangosteen as a general remedy and healing agent. In fact, the whole mangosteen fruit—especially the xanthone-packed rind—has been utilized to treat a variety of health conditions. The mangosteen rind was sliced and dried, then grounded to a powder and administered as a herbal preparation. The mangosteen rind was steeped in water overnight and taken as a tea. The mangosteen rind was made into an ointment and applied externally as a lotion. It was through these popular uses that the benefits of mangosteen were passed down through history and several scientists and explorers took note. Today there are many brands of mangosteen juice and herbal supplements made from the rind and seed.

Last but not least was the king of fruits, the mighty durian. You just have to wait for them to fall from the trees, then go and look for them in the bushes. It was very common for durian plantations to have huts built for the “waiting party”. "Duri" means thorn. Opening up the fruit can be quite challenging to some people. Usually a rag and a parang or a big knife are required. The rag is to protect the hand holding the fruit from the thorny skin. The parang is of course for splitting open the fruit along the cutting line. Any other ‘line’ would be difficult if not disastrous.

They say the durian smells like hell but tastes like heaven. It is to Malaysians as what cheese is to the Dutch! I do have European friends who have been initiated to this fruit and to my surprise, they simply love it. It is banned in aeroplanes and hotels though. When dad brought back durians in the car boot, you could still smell the fruits from inside the car. The the smell would linger on for days if the boot wasn’t aired properly. These days we would throw in a large piece of charcoal to absorb the smell.

Entering the compound from the main road you would be greeted by a stone arch which, as a matter of fact, was the last remaining structure I remembered many years later. Datuk’s house had cement steps leading to the front door entrance. The house was a  wooden structure on brick stilts much like an officer’s quarters during the British days. It was painted white and had a separate building without stilts for the kitchen and store room. It was joined to the main house by a covered passageway at one side of the courtyard. Asimple dining table was also placed there where we had most of our meals. At the edge of the covered passageway nearer the main house, as was commonplace, there was a kolah, a small cement trough for collecting water. There was a tap by it but as it was in an open area of the courtyard rain water would also collect in it when it rained. The water may then be used for general washing and washing the feet before entering the house. It was however, my nemesis.

I was told that I was a rather fretful kid. During one of those fretful moments, datuk had exhausted his patience by dunking me in that pool. I had come to understand later that this was a common practice in  those days so that  crying would instantly cease. But then, I could not have been much more than two years old at that time. I still wonder what I had done to deserve such a punitive treatment. I still have that picture in my mind of the rest of the family, mum, grandma and aunties in the doorway  watching the spectacle. I remember  feeling disappointed that none came forward to help me. When my own children were two years old, I didn’t have any problem in pacifying or quieting them down when they cried. I came to understand that datuk was much revered by the family members that none would dare to interfere with his judgement. I guess that was datuk, the disciplinarian.

TUAH JEBAT

That's a lot to think about.....

My thoughts, Tuah's character is a true satria of the time...complete submission and loyalty to his lord and master. Perhaps this was the "extra" tutelage he had gotten during his sojourn with his guru. Remember, amongst the 5, he was supposed to have received something extra? Elsewhere in the story, I couldn't figure out any other difference. If Tuah would never be slayed  even by Tuah, how on earth was Tuah  supposed tohave  been killed on the order of the Sultan. Pretty confusing stuff. On the other hand Jebat was supposed to be slayable only with the Kris Taming Sari. I think believing in this borders to something unIslamic. As such I feel the whole episode on the tutelage is very likely part of the Malaynization of the legend. While he did have some character flaw he could still make a good soldier of today.

Jebat, on the other hand was more of a revolutionary. Loyal he was to his buddy. He saw the injustice and was torn asunder. I do believe T.S. Lanang may have wanted to put forward an ideology ahead of it's time then.

Nevertheless, both have their appeal to different mindsets. Mind you, a charismatic person need not be a good person.

OF NINE-ELEVENS "N" THE LITTLE BOOK

I reckon we all have our very own nine-eleven.....from whatever perspective it may be. I started reflecting and penning mine since 09-11-2007. I had received a call from my dear cousin Bidi regarding his mum's impending admission to hospital. All at once there seemed to be an unstoppable mental replay of all the good deeds she had done for me. When my parents were in East Malaysia, she had taken me in over the school holidays or semester break. I would assist in simple chores like bathing the little cousins,yes, Bidi included, and dressing them up. I realised then how fragile life could be.

As Bidi was already in Malacca, we waited till his wife was able to make the journey back to Malacca later in the day. My hubby took the wheel. By the time we arrived, my aunt was already asleep, to rest for the operation scheduled on the next morning.

I could tell that uncle was worried from the way he rattled on about how careful auntie had been with her medication. Well, she is my mother's sister after all and I was not the least surprised. My mum too had been a very good "patient" when it came to her daily medication for her diabetes and whatever had she. Well, the least I could do was to listen to uncle. Oh boy, Bidi's wife was having something like a "100 years" cough! That was pretty worrying.

All next of kin were summoned to the doctor next morning at 8.00 a.m. and the operation was scheduled at 9.00. Well, amongst others, they were informed that there were three blockages and veins from both thighs were to be used. It was a 5 hour operations and we were thankful that it went well with very little bleeding. We feel blessed with the good news and were very glad that we could spend the time to be with the family and to provide whatever comfort and assistance possible.

We have had several more nine-elevens since then with the aging members of the "clan". We thank God for our well being and pray for those who had to undergo more trying moments. A maternal uncle, Pak Ngah expired within days of what appeared to have been a successful operation and my maternal uncle's wife, Mak Long lost out after a month's battle in hospital. At this day, a paternal cousin is still recuperating in hospital after an operation that had gone bust. A subsequent one had been done to adjust what went wrong. The list goes on......

During trying times I am always reminded of forgiveness and forgiving. I always have this little book where I note down important stuff like beautiful passages or phrases, information or just thoughts and feelings. However, the most difficult but meaningful item I had penned down was about forgiving. People say " to err is human, to forgive is divine". What in the world is "forgiving"? I know and you know that it does NOT say that it is all right to hurt others. Please do not think that I am inferring that those I mentioned above have wronged me. Far from it.....

Smedes says that forgiving makes up for what God could not give us when he made us i.e. the power to change the past; he could not invent the deletion button for bad things that happens to us. All he could give us is the power to remember them. Once wounded and wronged, the gift of memory becomes an inability to forget, hence our inability to be glad about life.

Yes, forgiveness therefore does not change the past, but it does change the future. Would you rather lead a life of resentment of the wrong done unto you? Let the hate stew in us and thereby giving them more power to hurt us? To get over this resentment is to forgive the people who did the wrong. The way to do that is through UNDERSTANDING. You heal once you are able to release the person from his actions. It is a slow process It is indeed the most difficult in the whole bag of personal relationship. It is after all not for those who offended or wronged you, but for your own self.

OF BIRTHDAYS "N" BIRTH NUMBERS

When I was young I used to scrounge for the NST every Wednesday to read the horoscope or stars column. It was just the thing we loved to read and take note of. That was all. However some of my friends were very much into them!


I am said to be born under the astrological star sign of Libra by virtue of being born between 23rd September - 22nd October. General attributes are:

Element : Air
Quality : Cardinal
Symbol : Scale
Nature : Masculine
Day : Friday
Metal : Copper
Gem : Jasper
Colour : Green
Occupation: Law
Governs : The loins, kidneys and back
Key word : Affection
Positive influences : Charming, refined and affectionate
Negative influences : Cutting, harsh and arrogant
Ruler : Venus, Goddess of Love



Ancient people had devised all sorts of methods to give insight to people's personalities and their motivation in life thus to enable them to live in harmony with nature. Based on the work of Pythagoras who said that numbers created order and beauty, numerologists have devised various significance in numbers such as the birth number, name number and numerical influence.e.g

Date of birth 01/01/1910 gives a birth number of 0+1+0+1+1+9+1+0=1+3=4, which happens to be my birth number too.



The name number is obtained by assigning a digit of 1 - 9 to all the alphabets A - Z and then adding up the numbers. Therefore, my name AZIMAH would produce a name number of 1+8+9+4+1+8=2+3=5. However, you may choose whatever name to work with i.e. first name or full name and so on. As such, the name number may vary. Note that birth number will never change. So, I guess that would be a more reliable reference(?)


The numerical influences are said to be the following:

One : Leadership, popularity, decisiveness, construction;
Two : Diplomacy, tactfulness, secrets, unions and partnerships;
Three: Caring, compassionate, tender, friends and celebrations;
Four : Dependable, ambitious, property, stability and security;
Five : Keys, opportunities, religion, engineering;
Six : Relationships, choices, loving, loyal;
Seven: Wisdom, control, transport;
Eight: Stubbornness, strength, persistence;
Nine : Completion, results, reunions, pregnancy

I don't think I really am what the sign says. I may be a little tomboyish when I was small but what would you expect when I grew up with two brothers? Of course I climbed trees, played with marbles and cigarettes boxes. While I treat the subjetc as something interesting to note and understand, I have heard of some people actually checking out what the numbers say before they meet with someone for the first time!
 

I usually consider birthdays as a very private and personal moments, usually just a simple thoughtful evening spent with family members at home or at a restaurant. Yes, we do have the candles more for the grandchildren to practise their huffing, puffing and blowing skills. They get very excited at the thought that their papa is giving a present to mama. Although that is always supposed to be a surprise, it never was kept as such. Kids make poor keepers of secrets. It was the same with my children too when they were little, Now they are experiencing the same with their own.

MATHS N SCIENCE WILL NO LONGER BE IN ENGLISH

This is my lastest entry at Goodreads discussion group "Goodreads Malaysia" which I thought is worth noting and sharing here.

"My, this thread is hot....There many pros and cons no doubt but what surprises me is the blacklisting of GR by Malaysian "Schoolnet". This is a typical stance of people who find themselves in a position unable to raise a rational discourse to the defence of their actions. They have a tendency to either shut other people up or out.......For this reason Indonesia, has overtaken Malaysia in it's students and scholars being more articulate. Talk to their taxi drivers, you'd know what I mean."

"I think many had missed an important point. Maths and Science are technical subjects. They are best dealt with in a language that is concise, precise and well used in the international arena. There are a few languages that fit this and BI is the most apt for Malaysia. BTW, in this matter India has now left Malayasia way behind in this area, internationally speaking. What better way is there than to begin teaching the subjects as early as possible?"

"I do not think it difficult for kids to learn a second or even a third language. You cannot underestimate them.You need to get the right method. Why do urban kids fair better in BI? How can one ensure better use of BI in rural areas? How did India deal with this?"

"Firstly there has been this realization that English has genuinely become a language of great prestige in the Indian society. English has acquired a prominent place in the hearts of millions of Indians who seek better jobs. They too realised how poor the BI was in their rural areas. In fact they had more challenges like the caste system and prejudice to overcome."

"Decisions regarding the medium of instruction and other official language policies depend on the interpretation of this concept. More often than not, mother tongue becomes more a political idea than a linguistic construct or concept. Mother tongue becomes a rallying point for groups of people to unite and express their solidarity more as a political entity. Whilst India has acknowledged like 16 languages as it's official language in various states, they have included BI along with a couple more as the medium of education."

"Here we are not able to handle and deal with BM and BI. Shame on us!