Parenthood Taking Another Leap

When our son began to take notice of girls, we told ourselves that he was growing up as any normal boy would. There was a time when I had to seek his understanding and good sense when it comes down to getting serious with any girl. Just a motherly advise.......

Now the stage is set once again. He had declared that he wants to take their friendship to another level and that he wants us, parents, to propose an engagement. Two rings were shown to me, a merisik  (enquiry) ring and an engagement ring. Most people would surmise that merisik is spying. I do not think spying reflects the seriousness and nobleness  of the matter. In the old days merisik would involve an investigation or enquiry into the other family and the availability of the lady the man has in  mind to propose to. It was usually done by the man's parents or representatives. Today, as society becomes more open and on account of geography, most things are prearranged between the couple. Families  have known one another for quite a while and therefore merisik has become more  symbolic in nature. Traditionally the mother's ring ( a simple gold band) is used for the merisik as a symbol of the intent. It is returned upon the engagement  (betrothal). However, it has become common practice now for the boy to get a new ring and ultimately give it away to the fiance as a gift.

So, our family had gotten together and a suitable date was picked. As the girl's place is in Kuantan, a three hours straight drive from Shah Alam, we shall do the merisik and the engagement  together. My brother-in-law had generously offered accommodation at his house in Kuantan if we need to stay overnight. It was then that we knew his family had finally stayed put in Kuantan while he moved on to stay at the plantation  where he is manager of.. He usually take a weekend drive back to Kuantan to be with his family.

Najib was immediately put in charge of information and logistics. The subject was raised during a berkampung (meeting of the family elders) for a nephew's coming wedding. Those who would possibly be with the engagement party were noted.

Berkampung is a meeting of family elders. In the Minangkabau  Perpatih tradition it is done before family ceremonies reflecting the kind of togetherness and cooperation between family members through thick and thin as per the following quatrain:

  Kalau  berat sama dipikul,
  Kalau ringan sama dijinjing.
  Ke bukit sama mendaki,
  Ke lurah sama menurun.

Literally it means : 
  If it's heavy we shall carry it together on our back,
  If it's light, we shall lift it together with our hands.
  Together we shall scale the mountain,
  Together we shall descend to the valley.

Traditionally, the meeting of family members of the same suku (matrilineal family) is headed by the Buapak who is an elected male member. He overseas all planning and execution of work done for the families he is head of. Today, as city dwellers, we still preserve similar concepts and values amongst  close family members. Instead of the Buapak, we do have a spontaneous understanding of the "leadership" amongst the elders. It does not necessarily be the oldest among us. A leader must also be willing to take the baton.

My daughter took charge of preparing the hantaran (gifts), five trays in all. They shall be headed by the traditional tepak sireh, a brassteel (some say brass and silver) receptacle set for the pinang (beetle nut of areca palm), gambir (of family Rubiaceae), mineral lime (for catalyst), cloves, and most importantly the sireh (piper betle leaf). We filled the extra container with jelly beans! 

The Tepak Sireh 

Chewing betle leaf is an age old habit inherent in Southern Asia and the Pacific region. While there is little scientific study done, many believe the concoction does have medicinal value. It is often used by traditional medicine men. Some chew it for enhancing facial aura.......The tepak sireh is also a highly symbolic item in the Malay customs and traditions. In daily life it becomes an opener and in a ceremonial events it indicates that the visitor has come with a very big wish or hope.

The other gifts consist of fairly customary items like material for the wedding dress, perfume & makeup set, sweets, a fondant cake and most importantly the rings.

All items were given a little decoration of ribbons and flowers and placed on our traditional dulang pahar  (brass trays). Some people would have these done up by professionals and rent the dulangs from them. We managed them ourselves. The embroidered dulang covers are from the ones I made for our daughter's wedding nine years ago. Many thanks to my daughter, Azreen and cousin Azie for  helping out.

The Hantaran

I was pretty sure that over the years, sometimes lending them to others, we have lost a couple of the dulangs  We used to have nine of them and now we have only six left! I will leave it to God to deal with that......

We had spent some time polishing the dulangs with Brasso which came fully recommended by the hubby who had grown up polishing his late dad's police brass studs. Quite a joy it was having the three of us working on them together. 

We drove to Kuantan on 081212 in such fine weather. However, we did notice a burning Merc and a stalled trailer along the highway. We stopped over at one or two R & R for streatching and refreshments.

Goodbye From A Caring Neighbour

A Rare Pic With All Four  Of Us

Resting At A R & R

We found my brother-in-law's place without much difficulty. That night we had dinner at one of the many seafood centres dotting Jalan Gambang. Food was good !

The morning of 091212 was a hive of activity. Early morning my brother-in-law had gone to buy the traditional breakfast of Kuantan - Nasi Dagang and of course the ever present roti canai (unliven bread taken with curry).

Later, the rest of the family members making a day's trip from Kuala Lumpur started arriving. 

Traditional Breakfast of Nasi Dagang 

Om Hermi And The Kids 

The Meminang  (Engagement) Party 

Some Of The Gift Bearers

Our party arrived at En Rasip's place at 12:15 pm and was quickly ushered into the house as it had started to drizzle. Immediately the salutations, introduction and discussion began.

 Three Very Important Members Of  Our Family 

Representatives Of Both Families 

Belting It Out

En Rasip's Answer Is..........

The merisik ring was the first to be  presented to En Rasip for his and his daughter's approval. It was then followed by the discussion on the engagement. Some clarifications regarding the wedding were also made and noted for purpose of subsequent preparation.

Guests Following The Discussion

The Other Guests

The  discussions were all over by 1 am. I then slipped the engagement ring on to the finger of En Rasip's daughter, Mazni Ezura. An enclosing doa prayers ensued. Then only Najib joined us in the photo session and the  reception.

Photographers The Photographed

Yes The Ring Fits Very Well

A Candid Moment
(Can't Remember What Happened)

With The Ladies Of The  Family

A Section of the Balasan (Reciprocal Gifts)

The girl's balasan is usually two more in number in keeping with the odd numbering. I am yet to understand why it is usually odd and not even in number!

A Section Of The Gifts

The Treats Corner. That Tiffin Carrier Sure looks Familiar!

f

Azreen & Mazni 

The Parents

For The Family Album

The So Cute Door Gifts - Fondant Cakes

 Alhamdulillah, by the grace of God all went well. Many thanks to En Rasip, Pn Zuriah  and family for being such lovely and gracious  hosts.

Thanks and hugs too to the relatives for your support and cooperation.

Till we meet again ..............

Freaky Weather Hit Shah Alam 081212

We left Shah Alam in the afternoon for Kuantan. The weather was so fine all the way. Little did we know that a freaky weather with high wind hit Shah Alam later that evening.

We returned to shah Alam on 091212 late evening and were surprised to see tree branches piled up on the roadside. We thought that the local city council had done some pruning work on the trees in the area.

Here is a glimpse of the aftermath 3 days later.

Shoddy Work Alright Just Next to My Gate

I was told that MPSA contractors have cleared the roads in the neighbourhood on the next day. Perhaps since we were not home they have indiscriminately piled up the sawn off branches in front of our house on both sides of the gate. Just who were these people with such brains??? I wonder how long MBSA is going to get  the mess cleared up.

A neighbour noted the contractors have been plying back and forth in their Hilux.  Soon after they just disappeared leaving two scrawny looking guys with a chainsaw.....a pathetic looking duo really.  What the winds didn't destroy, these duo did! She lost a garden light. 

I am told about 30 trees have been either uprooted or damaged. A neighbour had on the next road had his wall fence damaged by a fallen tree from the opposite side of the road. So note how tall the trees are!

The trees in our immediate neighbourhood that are affected are all of the Trumpet Tree (Tabebuia rosea) with trumpet like  flowers of white or pink. a had once collected some of the fallen flowers for a friend who said that it is good for fertilising plants. (See pic below)

I have requested the authority several times before to prune the whole tree but all it did was pruned just the sides. So the tree has grown taller and taller to the heaven above....I do not have to be a landscape architect to know the risk of that! Now it is saying that no one had complained before. Well if you wait for someone to complain wouldn't it be too late? 

What Is Left Of My Mengkudu (Noni) Tree

 

My Staghorn Fern Is Now Rolling On The Ground

Waiting for Someone To Help Put It Up

Remembering Wo

I woke up this morning with thoughts of  my late paternal grandfather whom I refer to as Wo (pronounced as "war"). Al fatihah to him.  I recall him as being called Sidang Omar by the village folks and I wonder what that means.....

In Malacca, Tok Sidang is the highest official in a "Mukim" comprising of a group of villages or "kampongs". It is a subdistrict under the current National Land Code. In the village, the highest official is the headman or "Penghulu". He may also be the Tok Sidang or Tok Empat. I am not sure of the origin of Tok Empat (4) but I do believe there must be four of them or one of four. 

A customary Malay village usually  starts from one or more groups of kinfolks linked by intermarriages. The primary authority rests with the headman who is usually a member of the principal or founding family. He assumes office usually through inheritance. His duties are, amongst others, to keep the peace of the village, surrender wrong doers to district chief, provides tribute labour and sometimes produce from the village, allocate surplus land and function as judge. By the Malacca Code of the 16th century, he is also required to understand religious law, principle of natural justice, principle of right conduct and customary law or "adat".

The Malacca social structure has been adapted by other states like Perak and Pahang and it might be of great interest to delve into how it all began in Malacca.

It all began in the land of Minangkabau in Sumatra where  matrilineality in descent and inheritance encouraged the men to be engaged in voluntary migration or "merantau" as early as the 12th century. They sailed up the Straits of Malacca and then the Linggi  River and came upon an area much like their own homeland. Unfortunately, the area then was inhabited  by the local aboriginal Jakuns. Legend has it that their women were of exceptional beauty and charm. So the Minangkabau men sought out the headman to discuss marriage. Whilst the Jakuns were initially reluctant they finally agreed to one lady for the Minangkabau leader. The Jakuns were ultimately absorbed into the Minangkabau colonies. They were the Biduanda and Mantera clans of Negeri Sembilan and Malacca.

They were introduced to the "adat perpateh" which has a pre-Islamic origin of matrilineality and Indic  of pre-Hindu belief and practices as per their metaphorical language of rich corpus of oral tradition found in it's customary sayings or "perbilangan" and "pantuns", sequence of quatrains.

The Jakuns were also  introduced to the techniques of wet-rice agriculture and the teachings of Sunni Islam of the Shafie school of thoughts. 

Later arrivals were not always Minangkabaus. The  later influx of Javanese into Malaya in 1600s were most likely to seek new life away from the Dutch colonialists. There are many Java villages, Kampong Jawa in Malacca  including the one on a hill in Alor Gajah, Malacca. Through intermarriages they too became assimilated into the Minangkabau  community.

Invariably, the villages became organised into matricianc ("suku"), subclans ("perut" meaning stomach) with common ancestress and lineally related members of matri-unilocal residential units. With this I recall my own "suku" is named after the locality of our original village - (Solok) Limau Perut - hence, Anak Melaka Limau Perut. I have visited Solok Limau Perut near Alor Gajah, Malacca, but once. It was a typical Minangkabau village with stretches of padi fields in the periphery. The "Buapak", a sub-chief helps to check and oversee relationship among persons.

Strange Things Can Happen.............

Strange things can happen when you always talk about it.......

With family friends when grandma and  my older brother came to visit.

When we moved to Kota Bahru in the 50s, the people who were previously staying at the quarters hinted out at the strange air of the house. Dad just shrug it off as utter nonsense. Mum never utter a word about it to us, kids.

It was a two-roomed wooden house, with a servant's room adjoining the kitchen. In those days a servant's room would just have a wooden deck, about 3 to 4 feet high at a section of the room which may also serve as a bed. All it needed further was a mattress. The two other rooms were on either side of the sitting room. My younger brother and I took the one furnished with two single beds.

For some unexplained reasons we never used  the bathroom adjoining our bedroom. Even when I needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I would make a sound till my mum gave me the green light to enter the master bedroom and use the bathroom there. I had always felt a dislike of the bathroom adjoining the kids' bedroom. I can't explain it further except that it gave me the creeps. Surprisingly, my brother who was about 6 years old did not use it either. It was only used occasionally by some people attending the Immigration Office in front.

In the evening, after dinner, mum and dad would often sit atop the front steps chatting away while we kids did our homework or reading in the sitting room. It was much later after we had moved that they related to me what they had seen on some of the evenings. 

Once they had seen a flying thing with fiery trailing tentacle-like structures from it's belly side. They just watched it as they knew better not to utter anything when seeing such a thing. 

At another time they had seen a dark shadow moving under the mangosteen tree on their left. They had bolted into the house before it became clearer what it was!

Those were the golden age of Malay film industry and there were a number of Malay horror movies like Pontianak, Anak Pontianak, Sumpah Pontianak, Dendam Pontianak and  Orang Minyak to name a few. At school, we would spend recess time  discussing the movies we had seen while some would also spice it up with what they said were true experience. I think all these activites somehow affected me in some ways. I had nightmares fairly often. At times I couldn't move my body even when I tried to yell. I often visualise a shadow trying to sleep with my brother across the room.

One day my parents announced that we were going to visit a friend in Rantau Panjang. This place was an Immigration checkpoint near the Golok River. There was no road there and the only way to get there was to take a train. Once we went across the railway bridge to Golok Town on foot. Malaysians loved to go there to buy Thai made tableware and other household items. Crossing the railway bridge on foot was quite an experience ..... just do not look down, they said.

The whole Immigration Dept community lived in the quarters provided. A family friend had had some friends visiting them and his wife had just gone missing. Dad had come all the way from Kota Bahru to lend a hand. A search party was organised but it was unable to find the missing woman. News had it that it was some months before she was found on a tree in a forested area, without a stitch on !

Oh, My!

I am really at a lost with this new blog applications. How do I get to my drafts. Can anyone help me, please.

Book Review: Iran Awakening

Iran Awakening by Shirin Ebadi
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Shirin opens her prologue with the admittance of the state on the killings of it's critics. While straining through piles of files and interrogation transcripts to build the victim's family case she saw the killing list which states that she would be next.....

Shirin recounted her childhood and university years during what was to culminate into a very tumultuous period of Iran. It had traversed the period of the Qajar Dynasty, Reza Shah, Mohammad Mossadegh and Shah Pahlavi with devastating consequences. Soon she found herself serving an unpopular government within the justice system.

I remember back in 1971 when the 2500 years of Persian Empire celebration was held at the ruins of Persepolis both with utter pomp and extravaganza. $300m was spent on silk tents with marble bathrooms, food and wine when so many poor didn't even have baths. The exiled Ayatollah Khomeini was livid.

Soon the Shah Pahlavi absconded and the Ayatollah was back. Laws were rewritten as fast as they could ....so was women's status. Shirin, the once lady Judge soon found herself "transferred". The same transgressions on human lives repeated themselves this time in the name of you know who.

It would appear to me that the the revolution resulted in changing one tyrannical rule with another......She remained in Iran helping out victims of the power of the day. The Nobel Peace Prize was an acknowledgement of her effort and sacrifice in a country still having problems with it's human right issues.


View all my reviews

BOOK REVIEW : THE FAMILY

The Family by Mario Puzo

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Motivated by The Borgias I stumbled upon on Astro Ch720......Boy, it is really like the Godfather of the 15th century. Inspite of the earthly character or misdemeanor of Rodrigo Borgia or Pope Alexander VI, he was still an admirable strategist of the time. He ruled as the Caliph of the Papal States or a king of any kingdom. The middle ages were strange times.....Mario Puzo, as usual was in his elements.

I realise that politics in the middle ages were no different everywhere. The need or desire to hold one's seat of power could drive one to all all sorts of commitments.....alliances through marriage and the hostage system, corruption, murder, abduction, treachery.... even for the holy who took residence in the Vatican. Man's earthly considerations were often given a blind eye.....

Puzo did not complete the book. He died. Based on notes on the last chapter Carol Gino, a nurse, finished it.

View all my reviews

How Did I Get There?

Amidst the frenzy of the never ending tennis and badminton matches and championships on telecast in the last two months, I  surprise even myself  with this weekly peek at Masterchef Selebriti Malaysia at the same time. I do not watch local productions that much but when I stumbled on this one I thought it was rather interesting. This may have been due to the mixed presence of celebs from different genre...actors, comedians, singers, producers, astronaut ......

The programme had started in May 2012. It is part of the television  cookgame show  franchise, MasterChef created by Franc Roddam, which originated with the UK version of the show in 1990. Malaysia is one of about 35 countries cashing in on the program. I have seen a few episodes of the Malaysian Master Chef Season 1 but I never really watch it with much interest. By the time I got hooked  to the celebrity version, there were already a few eliminations. I guess the participants, being an expressive lot, makes the difference. 

They are now down to the last five.

The three permanent judges are Moh Johari Edrus (Chef Jo), Zubir Md. Zain  (Chef Zubir), Adu Amran Hassan (Chef Adu). So the guy, Wan something...who had caused waves over his appointment to the other series is now in oblivion?

A Evening With John Carter

Saturday 17th March, 2012 was one of those evenings again when the hubby snapped his fingers and announced that we should go for a movie. We drove to Subang Parade in Subang Jaya and quickly checked the show times (a number of studios are showing the same movie .....must be good!)and there Din went to get the tickets (@ 50% of course for seniors). In the mean time I managed to find a small notice on the counter giving a sinopsis of the movie.

I am really no sci-fi lover. I never enjoyed Star Wars and never even see all of it. Anything with robots or mechanical monsters are not my cup of tea. The banners have been misleading and I was sure Din thought it was about Jimmy Carter!!

After a quick dinner at Uncle Lim's and browsing at MPH (where else!), we made our way into the cinema. You know how dim they keep the lights. So, why bother trying to check the seat numbers? A10 and A11 must be on the first row. The seats were very comfortable and I thought they felt like the Business Class airline seats. It was when other patrons arrived that we realised we were seating in the "AA" couple row seats! Well since there were many seats available we continued to enjoy the "couple" seats :)

Surprise number one, John Carter is a Disney production. The story line wasn't so bad after all though I was mainly trying to distinguish the Tharks and the others and what have they. The Tharks have 4 hands, 12 feet tall and they do not fly. There was a race who could change shapes and looks and who seemed to "manage" what was happening on Mars. They have the ability to teleport themselves anywhere, even to Jarsoom (Earth) by the use of a medallion and a mantra.

The setting was in New York and Virginia on Jarsoom (Earth) and Barsoom (Mars). A war vet, John Carter had himself teleported to Mars where he got involved in another war between the City States of Zadonga and Helium. Being less inhibited by gravity on Mars, John could leap/jump to the envy of any high jumper on Earth! That proved to be of a turning point in the war effort. I thought with that ability, he really would not need any flying machine!

The ending was a sweet surprise. I will not spoil it for those who might be interested to see the movie.The shape shifters make me wonder of the possibility of such beings managing what happens on Earth.

However, I was sure Din could have slept through most of the movie.

What Do Our Kids Read?

I recall writing about how I got hooked on reading seriously with the help of Enid Blyton Mystery Series - The Five Find-Outers and Dog. It is a series of children's mystery books first published between 1943 and 1961.

The stories were set in the fictitious village of Peterswood (Bourne End), close to Marlow, Buckinghamshire. The children encountered a mystery almost every school holiday, always solving the puzzle before Mr Goon, the unpleasant village policeman, much to his annoyance.

There were 15 books in the series and I had read them all. I remember the suspense made me read and read oftentimes finishing the book in one day. They were books from the class library. You see, back then each class had a collection for its own little library displayed at a corner of the class. I believe the books must have been distributed to all the classes according to age group material. The proper school library was for the secondary students only.

Occasionally, I would pick up my dad's novel after he and mum had read them. I would know if it was interesting from the discussion they would engage in earlier. That was how I came to enjoy biographies such as those of Churchill, Hitler, Rommel and Soekarno, and the Lobsang Rampa series by the time I was 11 or 12. When I was 13, while many of my classmates were into Mills and Boons stuff, Barbara Cartland, Georgette Heyer, Denise Robins and the likes, I preferred Leon Uris. His Exodus was ultra moving.........and I used to ask "Why?"

When our two kids were little we tried Enid Blyton with them but they ended up collecting the Belgian Georges Remi's The Adventures of Tintin series and French René Goscinny and Albert Uderzo's The Adventures of Asterix Series.

Both had something in common - they were comic strip series. I tried reading some of them but believe me, there was quite a load of reading involved!

Tintin is engaging, well-researched plots straddle a variety of genres: swashbuckling adventures with elements of fantasy, mysteries, political thrillers, and science fiction. The stories within the Tintin series always feature slapstick humour, offset in later albums by dashes of sophisticated satire and political/cultural commentary.

The Asterix series is one of the most popular Franco-Belgian comics in the world, with the series being translated into over 100 languages, and it is popular in most European countries.

The protagonist, the titular character Asterix, along with his friend Obelix have various adventures. The main setting for the series is an unnamed coastal village in Armorica, a province of Gaul (modern France), in the year 50 BC. Julius Caesar has conquered nearly all of Gaul for the Roman Empire. The little Armorican village, however, has held out because the villagers can gain temporary superhuman strength by drinking a magic potion brewed by the local village druid, Getafix.

Asterix, who, because of his shrewdness, is usually entrusted with the most important affairs of the village. He is aided in his adventures by his rather fat and unintelligent friend, Obelix, who, because he fell into the druid's cauldron of the potion as a baby, has permanent superhuman strength. Obelix is usually accompanied by Dogmatix, his little dog. (Except for Asterix and Obelix, the names of the characters change with the language. For example, Obelix's dog's name is "Dogmatix" in English, but "Idéfix" in the original French edition.)

Asterix and Obelix (and sometimes other members of the village) go on various adventures both within the village and in far away lands. Places visited in the series include parts of Gaul (Lutetia, Corsica etc.), neighbouring nations (Belgium, Spain, Britain, Germany etc.), and far away lands (North America, Middle East, India etc.).

The series employs science-fiction and fantasy elements in the more recent books; for instance, the use of extraterrestrials in Asterix and the Falling Sky and the city of Atlantis in Asterix and Obelix All at Sea.

The distinctive nature of the stories is the humour often centering on puns, caricatures, and tongue-in-cheek stereotypes of contemporary European nations and French regions. There are 34 books in the series.

My first grandchild, Anyssa is now turning 8 on 11/1/2012 and has announced that she wants a book for her birthday....not just any book, definitely not Enid Blyton (I tried!)but the Italian Geronimo Stilton's Series. She insisted she had read the first 7 books and would now wish for No.11 instead. Curiosity drove me to further research Geronimo.

The books are intended for readers in the 8–16 year old age range. The prints prove it so, quite unlike Enid Blyton's Five Find-Outers which is in the same sized font throughout. "Boring" she said of Enid Blyton. Oh my, I thought that was quite blasphemous!

The title character is a talking mouse who lives in New Mouse City on Mouse Island. A best-selling author, Geronimo Stilton works as a journalist and editor for the fictional newspaper, The Rodent's Gazette. No wonder Anyssa was talking about publishers the other day. I had wondered how come she knew the word!

Geronimo has a younger sister named Thea Stilton, a cousin named Trap Stilton and a favorite little nephew, nine-year-old Benjamin Stilton. Geronimo is a nervous, mild-mannered mouse who would like nothing better than to live a quiet life, but he keeps getting involved in far-away adventures with Thea, Trap, and Benjamin. The books are written as though they are autobiographical adventure stories.

There are 50 books in the series. I reckon she would probably move on to other genre before she completes the series.

As for today No. 11 is ready to be wrapped up.....Happy Birthday Anyssa!!

Oh, December!

December is always a crazy month. It is the school term holidays and many people would be on the move clogging shopping malls, holiday resorts and places of attraction. Somehow the Malays make it even more crazy by having engagements and weddings during the same month. It is logical perhaps so that relatives from all corners of the country would be able to attend. I remember those days when I would be stuck with the year-end closing and that alone took us off the road so to speak.

In retirement, December becomes more challenging. What excuse do I now have if I were to send my regrets for not making it to the invitations? Events and invitations can be overlapping and at this age we find it a little tiring to attend more than one or two events in a day. As a matter of fact, a few invitatuions have gone completely off my radar due to mixed up dates! I had more than once gotten ready to leave for the event only to realise later that it was over a day or a week earlier!

This year, we made plans to attend a relative's wedding reception in Seremban and then to "balik kampung" (the Malay popular term for "returning to the village")to attend a niece's engagement the next day. We sent our regrets to another group of relatives for not being able to join them in the usual annual outing in Port Dickson and another cousin for not being able to be present at his house warming "doa" and prayer session. I also informed my daughter and son-in-law of our plans. We left the keys with the neighbour so that the cats may be fed. My son, Najib drove. Anticipating the madness on the North-South Highway, he smartly chose the new alternate Lekas Highway. A good name indeed as "Lekas" means, quick. True enough we made it to Seremban in good time.

Weddings are usually a fantastic time for the relatives to meet and catch up with one another. You must believe me the womenfolks would usually have a mile long issues to recoup....and I mean a mile long!

The wedding dias was so lovely. They had decorated the whole stage looking like a personal boudoir. The wedding dias represents the throne for the new weds to sit and be blessed as a "king and queen for a day". Lunch was a sumptuous affair with the traditional choice of white and briyani rice and a host of chicken, beef and vegetable dishes, deserts, drinks and the traditional wedding eggs symbolising fertility. I had always thought traditionally, the eggs would have been the most versatile thing you could get to decorate and present as gifts and almost every household would have had a chicken coup in the backyard. Well, I think they still are the best door gift today. We wish the couple a most blessed journey henceforth.

December is a freaky month. There is no telling when the rain and storm would appear. Dark clouds are never too far off. In the old days, weddings were usually held outdoors. Many would sought the services of the rain shifters. These are people who are said to be able to shift rain to another place hence saving the ceremony from being rain washed!. There used to be other myths and traditional practices associated with rain prevention like throwing an old shirt on to the roof of the house or placing a lighted oil lamp under the kitchen rafter. I remember well the wedding day of an aunt when I had been put in charge of the oil lamp. But I guess the almighty wasn't listening as it still rained cats and dogs. Then the whispers came saying that the "shifter" must have taken a leak! These days many would hold such events in halls in schools, hotels and community centers. It is usual for the popular venues to have a year long waiting list!

My daughter was also there with her husband and three young kids. Our family was complete. She said that she would be following us back to "balik kampung" instead of joining the other party at Port Dickson. I thought it was a wonderful decision. That would be the two year old's first trip to grandpa's village.

A trip to the "kampung" is always a much anticipated event.It is especially so when our whole family is joining in and making the ride back to Segamat, Johore where gradpa Din was born.

We stopped over at Tampin, Negeri Sembilan and settled down for teatime at a Kopitiam Restaurant ....6 adults and 3 kids. It is a rather new shop and we found it during our previous trip. The garlic bread and mushroom soup were lovely, much to our delight. While sipping our drinks we noticed a market nearby and thought it quite convenient to get something for dinner later on. It is always a good idea to bring something for the pot so that dinner may be served without much problem. My daughter was very thoughtful to also buy some packets of 3 in 1 Nescafe from a nearby grocery shop before we continued our journey. Everyone knows that I do not take white tea that is popular amongst the Segamat folks.

We arrived at Segamat around 8.30pm and soon enough dinner was prepared through the cooperation of all the 5 ladies present. We took some time to drop by at my sister-in-law's place to check on the program for the engagement day. White tea is almost always served in Segamat. Our two years old grandson insisted on having some tea in his bottle which we relented in the end. He relished it but soon enough he gestured a tummy discomfort.......Even on the next morning he was still feeling the discomfort. Poor dear ! I am sure he had learned a valuable lesson there.

The engagement was over the next day with both families in mutual agreement to whatever terms discussed. Here are the happy parents with their daughter soon after the ceremony. Lunch or actually "tunch" was really a Johore affair _Briyani Gam- what else!

When it was time for family get together, the durian feast begun. Segamat is well known for it's durian. It was a delight to watch my 7 years old grand daughter, Anyssa and her second cousins relishing the durian and then rambutans plucked right from the tree nearby. A true Malaysian indeed! However, her younger brother, Amyr would only come near with his two fingers up his nostrils and then disappeared. Bro-in-law "Burn" did the honour of splitting open the durians.

After the durian feast I sent the Charlie Angels to have their faces and hands washed and be sure to take a drink of plain water which they dutifully did. The drink was to prevent any onset of coughing usually associated with the eating of too much durian and rambutans.

When it was time to leave and return to Shah Alam, Anyssa and her cousins bid goodbye to one another. So did the others and I was sure Anyssa enjoyed the short sojourn in the kampung and I hope it would remain in her thoughts for some time.

Koranic Law Does not Impose the Headscarf

by Khaled Fouad Allam (appearing in January 22nd 2004 edition of 'La Repubblica' in Italy)

Historically speaking, the “hijab” (or Islamic headscarf) has never represented any form of Islamic dogma, legal obligation or religious symbol, even if today the impression is such.

Jurists during the classical period of Islam – who when Muslim law was first formulated for the four great legal schools of Islam – never presented any theories on the headscarf. The celebrated jurist and founder of the Theological University of Fez in Morocco, Qayrawin (died in 996), spoke about the headscarf only in reference to prayer rituals, when women enter mosques to pray on Fridays. And the word he used was “khimar”, a veil covering women from head to toe. He never used the term “hijab”. It is the same with other authors of the period.

There is indeed an explanation for all this. Classical Islam jurists warned of the need to formulate legal theory concerning the headscarf or veil, simply because a woman’s medieval world was that of a cloister, where she didn’t leave home, leading her life within the borders of private property. And when she did venture out, which was rare, she had to do so with the authorization of a male figure – whether it be her father, husband or brother –and only under exceptional circumstances, as for some formal ceremony or pilgrimage.

The hijab is an invention of the 14th century, and it has no real basis in the Koran. In the Koran, “hijab” comes from the root “hjb”, which refers not to an object, but an action: wearing a headscarf, pulling down a curtain or screen or reducing light so as to prevent others from prying or looking in.

The change to the word “hijab”, from signifying an action to meaning an object, comes in the 14th century. The jurist, Ibn Taymiyya, was the first to use the word “hijab” to mean “headscarf”. It was a headscarf that distinguished Muslim from non-Muslim women. It came to distinguish a woman’s identity and religious association.

Ibn Taymiyya stated that a free woman has the obligation to cover herself with a headscarf, while a slave is not obliged as such. He justified this based on a maximalist interpretation (cf. Koran, verse 31, sura 24), transforming the words of a generic statement into a principle, by giving it a binding or legal sense. Yet all this – and we do well to point it out – was still an interpretation, an interpretation which gave rise to a rule.

This change in language and social interpretation is a sign of crisis within the 14th century Muslim world: the end of the great Islamic empires and the invasion of Baghdad by a foreign power – the Mongols of Genghis Khan. The “ummah” (the community of believers) had to therefore face and struggle with what nowadays we call the principle of “otherness”. This posed the same problem then as it does nowadays: today’s Muslims now must cope with how to be themselves in a society dominated by non-Muslims. The headscarf is a sign of the Muslim community’s defensive reactions and focuses on legal norms not to create leeway for freedom of expression, but rather to establish a form of control – on Islam itself.

Therefore it is no coincidence that Ibn Taymiyya (died 1328) is a daily point of reference in neo-fundamentalist language.

However the decisive change for the “hijab” in terms of meaning and law occurs in the 20th century, especially in its last fifty years. In Muslim countries, following the period of decolonization, the processes of modernization created great difficulties for traditional societal structures and institutions. Two unprecedented phenomena occured: literacy of the masses and women going to school, work and out from their homes. The outside world was added to their main world of reference.

In the face of such social changes, many exegetes in Islam have reacted in neo-conservative ways, creating a legal system legitimizing and prescribing the use of the hijab. The headscarf thus becomes a distinct symbol of Islamic identity and separation between sexes. The headscarf’s introduction and use into public areas indeed favors the creation of a gender barrier, which today is not limited to the headscarf itself, but in some other countries has given rise to an actual division of space, even in public transport vehicles (e.g. some neo-fundamentalist-minded architects have drawn up ideas for separate elevators for men and women). Thus public space, instead of sanctioning a principle of equality, focuses on sexual discrimination.

However, all these changes in the headscarf’s use and practice is joined to that which is a constant in the customs and norms of Muslim society: the dichotomy between the pure and impure, and prohibition as a basis for Islamic law.

The frequent emphasis in sacred texts – that women mustn’t do anything to look at other men and draw attention to themselves, hence covering up their figures – has indeed led the collective Muslim unconscious to associate femininity with lust. In this way women have become synonymous with the chaos and disorder attributed to vice. Hence with women there is always the imminent risk of committing acts of impurity. Due to their reproductive role, women are invested with a certain sacred nature. Therefore, breaking the rule – that is to say, showing themselves off – means contaminating their original purity.

This taboo spells for a puritan society and articulates a legal system of control. Muslim societies are obsessed by issues of impurity; and the headscarf tends to symbolically preserve the bounds between the pure and impure.

Today the headscarf takes on the meaning of an identity crisis. In addition to expressing the widespread malaise found in Islamic society, the headscarf conceals its changes and exacerbates people’s fears. Whoever wears it, especially in the West, does so because they are coerced or conditioned to do so or are claiming their rights and asserting free choices. There are many opinions, but they all defer to a series of unsolved conflicts: between Islam and the West, with Islam itself and between law and culture.

A Strange Brush With Life

I felt a calling to write these little episodes while watching a nature programme about the hinterland of the state of Kelantan in the Nenggiri area.

It was in the 1950s, more so around 1956-58 when the family was staying in Kota Bahru, Kelantan. One weekend, we made a trip to Gua Musang deep down south. It seemed to me like in the middle of nowhere. The road was quite desolate. The greenery, lush. They were renting a place in the heart of a kampong.

Folklore abound regarding Gua Musang (Civet Cave)....like the hunter and the six companions who disappeared. From the more recent pictures Gua Musang has grown to much importance over the years. It is now a gateway to the Taman Negara/National Park, one of the oldest rainforest in the world. There is now a highway - a far cry from what it was back then.

My parents had such family ties that apparently, they had received an "SOS" call from my mum's cousin, auntie Azizah  whose family was living there. Her husband, uncle Othman, was a Detective Sargent with the Police Department (called "Mata Gelap" by the Malays or locals meaning "dark eyes") there and had suddenly taken "ill" in a strange way. That was as far as I knew then. There being no other family in Kelantan, it was only natural that they contacted my parents it times of need. Amongst other things auntie Azizah, mum's cousin, said that uncle would sometimes not return home when he should. Today, looking in retrospect, I must say I might understand why a man does not return home.......

Through dad's help, uncle Othman did get a transfer to Kota Bahru. I am not sure if the transfer did solve the problem with uncle Othman. In 1958, we were putting up the night at the old black painted KB Rest House on dad's transfer to Ipoh. In the early morning, we were awakened by a call from my second cousin Amir, saying his dad had not returned since the day before. Dad got ready and went out with young Amir to make a police report and assist in any way possible. Later, when dad returned, we were told that Uncle Othman had been found by the Kelantan river not far from home.

Those days Kelantan was often beheld as a place steep in mysticism and black magic. Those from other states were expected to go and work there "prepared" least they be "tested". If they fail, they'd surely fail miserably.

According to mum, uncle Othman was never the same since then but the family trudged along. We met them again when they moved to Kuala Kangsar where we had another memorable incident in their kitchen. There was a blackout and we girls were about to fry some preserved fish, the very traditional ikan pekasam. Little did we realise that we were "frying" them in water instead of oil! No wonder, there was no sound of crakling oil! The lesson learned was never place water and oil near each other! Strange things can happen in the dark!

I had another strange brush with the supernatural when my parents were living in Sabah.............Ah, that is something I had always wanted to forget. Perhaps I shall find the courage to write it someday......

Muslim Women In Sport - A Minority Within A Minority

Introduction
Surveys have shown that Muslim women have lower rates of participation in sport than other groups. Why are they under-represented? What challenges do they face? What does their religion say about participation? These questions have been at the forefront of attempts to understand and increase participation in sport by Muslim women.

Islam, Muslim Women and Sport
There are a number of misconceptions regarding Muslim women participating in sport. In fact, Islam promotes good health and fitness for both men and women. However, there are guidelines in relation to personal conduct and modesty within which sports can be practised. For example, modesty is an important principle in Islam, which has implications for the notion of what types of activities and what sort of dress is appropriate for Muslim women participating in sport. But it is important to recognise that the perceptions of what is modest and appropriate for women to engage in varies between groups of Muslim women and men, as well as between individuals.

In effect, this means that while some Muslim women might engage in mixed sport events, others will not see this as appropriate. Some Muslim women will observe dress codes that consist of covering the hair and wearing modest clothing which covers the arms and legs, but others will not. The important issue is to ensure that all groups and individuals are catered for as far as possible and that they are consulted and respected in their choices.

Islam encourages building up an integrated personality. Islam stresses sports such as swimming, archery and horse-riding, encouraging both men and women to engage in physical activity in order to maintain healthy lifestyles.

In the UK, different national, cultural and ethnic traditions create considerable variety in the way Islam is practiced and interpreted. Due to religious misunderstanding and/or a lack of awareness in our society of how to cater for this varied group, many Muslim women have been prevented from participating in sport.

These issues contribute to the comparatively low participation rate of Muslim women. Other factors that contribute to this are the lack of single-sex provision, which can put women off sport and physical activity. This may also include early negative experiences of PE at school. The negative perceptions about physical activity can last into adulthood, making it more difficult for these women to engage in sport. Thus, environmental and cultural boundaries seem to be a determining factor in the attitude of young Muslim women towards sport in this society.

Participation and Health
There are no statistics that show physical activity participation by different religious groups, for instance Muslim men and women. With respect to Muslim participation rates, participation by ethnicity is the closest monitor that exists, as over 90% of people from Pakistan and Bangladesh are Muslims.

However, this data has to be interpreted with caution as many people from other ethnic groups also follow Islam, and cultural traditions influence participation in sport.

Among ethnic minority communities, participation is below the national average. Only those within the ‘Mixed Race’ category take part more frequently than the ‘White’ group. The ‘Asian’ group has the lowest participation rates.

Ethnic minorities’ low levels of participation have negative health implications. Participation rates fall to as low as 18% for the Pakistani and Bangladeshi communities. Pakistani and Bangladeshi men and women reported worse general health than the general population.This group was more than five times as likely as the general population to have diabetes.

Muslim males and females in Great Britain have the highest rates of reported ill health. 13% of Muslim males and 16% of Muslim females were in states of ‘not good’ health.

Muslim Women’s Attitudes Towards Sport and Physical Activity
Research into Muslim women’s attitudes towards sport and physical education in Muslim countries has provided some interesting findings. A study in Jordan found that young Muslim female students hold positive attitudes towards participation in PE. Furthermore, they considered PE as having great significance and value in increasing leadership proficiency.

However, with regard to parental influence, it appeared that parents were less encouraging of their children taking up the option of PE in further education, with girls getting fewer opportunities due to social constraints.

This is interesting when compared to the views of young Muslim women in the UK, who seem to have negative views regarding PE in schools. Duvall, Sampson and Boote indicated that for young Muslim girls, PE in school evoked negative feelings about physical activity and led to a decrease in participation at post-school age. Thus, environmental and cultural boundaries seem to be a determining factor in young Muslim women’s attitudes towards sport and physical activity.

Barriers Facing Muslim Women’s Participation in Sport
Asian women who participated in research carried out by the Women’s Sport and Fitness Foundation (WSFF) said:

“If I did get the chance to go to the gym, I wouldn’t take that chance. I would rather use that free time to spend with my kids.” Bangladeshi, younger than 25.

“When you’ve done a swimming session you come out and you’re tired but it’s a nice tired. But with the kids at the end of the day you’re just so tired you don’t want to move – it’s completely different.” Bangladeshi, older than 25.

Culture – Many Muslim women are constrained by their ethnic backgrounds from participating in sport. For example, research conducted by the WSFF on Bangladeshi women found that they led sedentary lives with little priority given to exercise and physical activity, as it conflicted with their role as a mother and homemaker. Asian Cultural ideologies do not always promote exercise and physical activity for women, although many of the women in the research understood its significance for health.

A study in Norway showed that Muslim women who identified themselves in terms of their ethnicity were not interested in participating in sport as it challenged the boundaries of femininity and cultural identity. Those who regarded religion as a source of identification, viewed physical activity positively as it was in line with Islam’s stance on health.

Religion – Islam is often cited as the reason why women cannot participate in sport. This is primarily due to a lack of understanding and awareness of the religion. In fact, ensuring good health and fitness for men and women is given paramount importance in Islam. Islam strongly
promotes sport and physical activity within certain guidelines, as these are essential tools for sustaining healthy lives.

Mixed groups – This poses major problems for many Muslim women as gyms, swimming pools and sport facilities are not segregated by gender. For some Muslim women this is a violation of modesty; mixed venues, in effect, bar them from participating.

Dress code – The question of dress code has been an issue, as some schools have not catered for this essential need.In order to participate, Muslims might need to follow certain requirements in terms of attire.

Lack of positive role models – The low participation rates among Muslim women are influencing the lack of Muslim female role models. The lack of aspiration and guidance makes it difficult for young Muslim women to engage in sport.

Providing for Muslim Women
Some young Muslim women have had negative experiences of PE in schools and this has deterred them from any form of exercise altogether. These situations may occur when schools are reluctant to respond positively to the dress requirements and other faith obligations for Muslim girls. Thus, it is important that schools and other sporting facilities are aware of the needs of this group of women and offer appropriate arrangements so they can practice their faith and participate in sport, without having to compromise on either.

It is important to ensure good practice in gyms and sports facilities, as negative experiences may lead to Muslim girls becoming disengaged from physical activity in the long run. If they repeatedly experience situations where physical activity is incompatible with their religious values, they may come to believe that such activity is inaccessible to them. This will then have significant implications for the women of this community.

A key and simple solution is allowing Muslim women to wear clothes that they feel comfortable in. For example, for swimming, they may wish to cover more than a conventional swimming costume would.

This does not need to compromise safety guidelines, as many producers of swimwear cater for Muslim women. In addition, sports facilities need to ensure that single-sex facilities are made available. This is crucial for Muslim women, as it is a requirement of their faith to not
participate in mixed sports or events. It is important that Muslim women can participate in sport without concerns about male participants or coaches attending.

This is not an issue solely for Muslim women, as research shows that many non-Muslim women prefer to engage in sport and physical activity when these are conducted in female-only classes. To enable Muslim women to increase participation in sport and physical activity, it is vital to
ensure that single-sex classes, women instructors and flexible dress requirements are in practice.

Resources for Identifying Good Practice
Sisters Games – This initiative aims to make adequate provisions for Muslim women who want to participate in sport and physical activity but have found it difficult to do so. Sisters Games were launched in Birmingham in June 2006 to cater specifically for Muslim women. The website, www.sistersgames.com, has been set up to help organise and advertise sporting and social events for Muslim women in and around Birmingham. Particular attention is given to events that meet the needs of Muslim women, especially with respect to single-sex provision and other Islamic values.

Female Participation: Minority Ethnic Communities – A study by sportscotland examines social inclusion in sport for minority ethnic groups in Scotland and provides a list of key indicators of good practice and future research considerations.

Loughborough University – The University offers coaching courses exclusively for Muslim women. The programme is designed to develop skills as sport coaches and leaders and ensure a representative sample of women in coaching positions. This is an excellent opportunity for
Muslim women to act as role models and encourage Muslim women to take up sport by highlighting the mental, physical and personal benefits that they can achieve.

By :Women’s Sport and Fitness Foundation

Winter of Discontentment

The winter of discontentment seems to descend upon the human race again. While the winter of 78/79 saw strikes brought about by the British government's pay freeze policy to curtail inflation, the very, very cold winter brought misery to many. Looking back now, a 5% pay raise was also very normal where I worked back then. Why couldn't the orang putih get by with that too? Looking back too workers have been used to such inflationary pay rises up to 18% to 25% and even 40%, I would have been very rich then by that standard! Were we in the former colony, managing our economy better?

Austerity measures purportedly took their toll again recently flaring up in anti-establishment demonstrations, riots, lootings, arsons and even murders. Death of a 29 year old while in the custody of the police was duped as the straw that broke the camel's back. Deprivation and prospects of further deprivations seems to drive people into conflagrations. Senseless as it may seem, that seems to be a popular reasoning by many. But then many of those involved were youths not likely to have been so affected by the rule of the day. Could the economic link then be simply spurious?

According to work on US race riots by the economist Ed Glaeser, for example, ethnic heterogeneity in a neighbourhood increases the probability of unrest. So does unemployment. Poverty, on the other hand, seems to play a smaller role. All in all social unrests have many divergent causes some of which can be deeply rooted feelings bottled up since time in memorial.

Could it also be the miscarriage of a basic tenant of democracy itself?

"Everyone has the right to assemble and to protest government actions. However, citizens have an obligation to exercise these rights peacefully, with respect for the law and for the rights of others."

My question is does the assembly and protest have to be on the streets? If I need to go down that street why should I be devoid of that right just because some people have jammed up the place recording their protest?

I recall the day before Manchester United came to the borough to play Leyton Orient FC. in 1974. Yes, MU did play second division football back then! Here is an image of the Brisbane Road stadium in Leyton.

Dropping by at my local Asian butcher I noticed the guy getting ready to man his "fort". He gave me an idea of what could be expected. I just shrugged it off but at the back of my mind I was much aware of the reputation of MU fans. As the evening fell more MU fans arrived and they layed their sleeping bags on the pavement.

As I passed the street next morning to watch the game, I saw dustbins and their contents in disarray. One shoe shop had been looted and there were shoes on the pavement. Heck, I thought! Well, I did get tickets but they were for standing room only. My friends and I watched the game for a while.....

My point is, bad behaviour in society has always been there. Call it herd or mob mentality that drives people in a group to behave in similar manner. Herd mentality implies a fear-based reaction to peer pressure which makes individuals act in order to avoid feeling “left behind” from the group. Most of all they believe they may hide behind the numbers and remain anonymous.

What sparked the recent unrest was the shooting of a 29-year-old man, Mark Duggan, in Tottenham by the Metropolitan Police's Operation Trident team. The police's handling of the aftermath of that incident looks to have been poor. Mr Duggan's family apparently had to wait 36 hours to see his body. And when members of the community staged a vigil outside Tottenham police station to demand answers about the circumstances of the shooting, officers seem to have failed to communicate with them. There appears to be a context of mistrust of the authority (police) here.
People can be easily worked up by such stuff and the mob may be instantly reborn. Shops of high end products were understandably the main targets. Still, I cannot help thinking there were simply thugs just waiting for the clarion call.

Oh Saturday

Saturdays usually start rather languidly for the family. On Saturday 9th July, 2011, I cooked up a simple breakfast of fried egg, toast and nescafe and plonked myself in front of the TV to catch anything interesting.

After bypassing channels with ads on, I landed at NTV7. Three to five minutes on I still couldn't understand what in the world the commentator was rambling about. I could only get the gist that he was talking about a resort and some animals around somewhere (?) He seemed to blitz through his script with no proper pauses that his commentary was punctuated only with breathlessness. This was not the first time I had a concern over the channel's own productions. At other times, I was baffled at how certain words could have missed the censorship, if ever there was one. So, goodbye NTV7.......My hubby told me that this channel is meant for youngsters. That made my case even stronger!

(BTW, I have sent NTV7 a little note this morning. Let's see how they respond)

Turning on to CNN next it was rather calming to listen to the interview. Though the conversation was quite swift, it was comprehensible as the punctuations, phrasings and accents were all in the right places.

Ah, soon after I had to accompany the hubby to the office to clear some urgent work before 3.00 p.m. when some maintenance work on the electrical system of the building would start. We completed our work by 2.00 p. m and took a drive to Klang for lunch. Somehow, both of us did not have such a good appitite and soon after a quick lunch , we settled for ais kacang and cendol dessert next door.

On our return home, Najib and his friend greeted us. They were busy following the goings on in KL over the internet. I know some people would have been glued to the media or PC since morning to follow the progress of the Bersih Rally in downtown KL. The Rally was to bring to the fore of a demand for a clean election which was supposed to culminate in the handing of a Memoramdum to the King. In the end, I gather there was no Memo.........! Make your own conclussion then.

I do not normally bother about street processions or demos as I find them a waste of time and resources and at the same time they are open to possible abuses evoking confusions, tensions and disorders. Parties must be able to sit at a round table to discuss matters. My, even Genghiz Khan had better sense. Any kind of street display is a reflection of the process of democracy gone awry, an act of dire hopelessness. I was greatly relieved that it ended without much destruction or loss of lives. Only those who had to close their business premises and those caught in the traffic could tell you how it had affected them. Perhaps they too could voice out that demos be done outside KL, next time round.

What better thing is there than to have my Saturday culminating with homemade fried mee for dinner.....quite a real treat, really.

Have a good weekend!

Walking The Thin Line

A friend whom I came to know in Facebook is fighting for his life in ICU. Reading another friend's post on Facebook gave me this idea to put in writing my own experience of walking the thin line.

You know, life can be everything and anything our imagination may care to dwell upon. It may seem a chore or a burden if we think it a retribution for some trespasses of our forbears. It may also be a golden opportunity, no matter how fleeting the timeline is, and hence to be used in the best possible ways. Life may be orderly in the way Almighty created pairs of it - one to complement the other - nature's way to balance out the inequalities and hence ensuring equilibrium. That may be the formula to a life worth living. Yet, life may also seem strange in the way the past haunts and history repeats itself. Whilst the old renews, old ways are still resistant. Inertia seeps.

Life is a process of continuous decision making, dichotomous at least. It is that skill which seems illusive in many if not most. To some this task becomes gender centric. Some generations take the easy and obvious road. Some falter, some are unsure of their wants and needs such as in the choice of career, relationship, life style and so on. I have been fortunate to be able to make my own decisions even when they seem to be questionable or not completely sound to others especially my parents. Not that they had not tried to exert some influence but persistency wins the day. Hear me, once a decision is made you live with it

What is basic to my needs has always been to be myself in whatever circumstances. When you always endeavour to do your utmost, there is no need to impress. I need to be accepted for what I am, lock, stock and barrel.

I was so happy when our daughter's conception was confirmed such that only those who have been through the experience might understand. I swear that the waiting was more than what I had bargained for! Immediately my 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. was never the same. I would be laying on the doctor's couch in the Medical Dept. Queuing up for my banking or withdrawing my dad's monthly pension at the Post Office became more of a concern. Once the Post Master had to attend to me at my car. As for the bank patrons, they were good enough to let me sit until it was my turn. There was no number system then! Marketing was another concern. The smell of fresh coffee and fish sent my head into a spin before the cold sweat seeped out . Indeed the olfactory was working overtime such that even the sleeping arrangement had to be reviewed! Looking back I recall when I was carrying my son, I couldn't even bear the smell of boiling rice! No wonder folks romance with pride over motherhood. At this stage it wasn't even half the story yet!

Then I saw Mr Yeoh (Elaine Yeoh's hubby)as my gynae (he wasn't even my real gynae!)getting ready for a c-section on the big day. Suddenly, I saw people walking into the room with a wooden crate. "Gosh, it was my .........God, is this it", I thought. "No, no, I am not ready yet. My family needs me. My baby needs me. Please, I beg of you dear God". I talked and prayed so hard ......Was that a premonition?

Soon after, I took note that my brother who had gone to Penang for some work on the proposed Penang Bridge, had made a dash back upon news of the delivery of my daughter. "How odd", I thought. It wasn't like I was gravely ill... It was many years later that my mum broke her silence on the premonition that my brother had. I now understand why they both had taken special concern over me. My parents who were then staying in JB returned to stay in the PJ house and were on hand till we moved to our own house in Subang Jaya three years later.

On this Mother's Day, to both my children, know this that you are both loved, precious and are everything to me. Mama would implore the Almighty all over again. Love and take care of your children as I have mine. Allahu akbar...