Our Daughter's Wedding Preparation

The epitome in a mother's life is to see her daughter getting married. I have never imagined how it would feel nor did I have any plausible reference. The one thing I wanted was for her to be able to look back to this day and be thankful for the love and support of her parents. I wanted her to be happy in her new life .............

A Malay wedding is usually done in three sessions : the solemnization, the bride's reception and the groom's reception. By the grace of God, I had just retired and had plenty of time for the preparation. I had also spent some time looking up magazines and just window shopping to see what's in the market these days as I would be doing this for the first time  in my life.

May 3rd and 4th, 2003 had been selected months ago. it was now five months to go. The family council had been convened. As we were not doing it in the village, there was no need for the presence of the "buapak", a traditional clan leader. My elder brother headed the meeting. He had suggested that we hold the ceremony at home as our compound was ample. 

We had just completed some renovations to the house, adding a small library where the back verandah was, a "wet" kitchen extension where the kitchen verandah was, an additional porch in front of the house, an auto gate system and re-tiling the  porches and driveway. All that had taken almost three months. Now, more planning were yet to begin.

My hubby and I had agreed that I was to be responsible for planning the wedding reception while he would take care of the solemnization of the marriage. Call it partioning of responsibility if you may least we step on each other's toes! I would still review my plans with him for mutual information. Our daughter's wedding would be the first of her generation on our maternal side and being our only daughter, we wished to make it a memorable occasion. My hubby need not start his part until about 2 months before the wedding date. I needed to start planning my part without further delay. So I set out to prepare a checklist. It was then that I realised  how much more work was in store! It goes to show how important it is to always have a checklist. Mine looked like this:

1. Library - need 3 more cabinets for the books.

2. Laundry/miscellaneous room - cabinets for the china to be ordered.

3. Driveway - cracked tiles to be replaced. Culvert to be mended.

4. Fountain - Terra Gardens to change broken board holding the stones and do cleaning of the water element.

5. Old Stuff - fridge, steel cabinet, table and rack to be disposed of. To call the local authority.

6. Repainting required - guest room, stairway, garden wall and kitchen. I personally repainted the guest room while I had help for the other areas.

7. Wedding eggs (bunga telor), potpourri and sweets for guests. We would need about 200 egg holders and 1000 potpourri cases. An order was placed with Idani Craft. Delivery was to be in two months time i.e. two months before the wedding. The eggs would be supplied by my sister-in-law as her contribution. That was very sweet of her. As for sweets, an order was made with Ferntea Malaysia S/B for Barnsberry Chocolate and another order through  our local grocer for Ecclers.

8. Gifts for bridegroom and trays. All in all, there would be 11 trays and the gifts would consist of shoes, shirt, tie, toiletries, traditionally weaved sarong songket, belt; wallet, Quran, cake, potpourri, fruits, chocolates, traditional betel leaves ensemble sireh junjung. My cousin would assist in the preparation. The sireh junjung would be order through an expert at the local Shah Alam Market. A few more brass stands would be needed. We bought them in Kelang. I did the beading on the covers myself and it took me over a month to complete.

9. New curtain railings - for wet kitchen, library and bridal room (double tracked). I sewed the curtains for the kitchen and library myself.

10. Wedding eggs(bunga telor) for the wedding dias (pelamin). I would require about 250 eggs for this. I bought the cases and the stands from Segamat. They were supposed to be much cheaper there. Well, considering the trip back to Segamat....I didn't think it made any difference though except that we had the opportunity for my sister-in-law to be involved which she gladly did. Thanks Kak Me. The eggs would be supplied by my other sister-in-law.

11. Caterers, menu, serving arrangement. As we did not want the usual buffet serving, the caterers were to ensure enough assistants in the serving area.

12. Event Manager. Being a member of Golden Escapade Club, we have the privilege to one FOC. He was also able to provide additional services under their wedding package. This was indeed a great help.

13. Canopies, tables, chairs, sitting arrangement. This was undertaken by the event manager to organise. We wanted the chair covers and bows for the all the chairs. No exceptions.

14. Bridal bedroom - bed, curtains and decor. This was also undertaken by the event manager to organise.

15. Wedding dias, bridal makeup artist and trousseau. We obtained the service of Zurayz Bridal, Shah Alam. Their package #2 consist of the wedding dias (pelamin) with fresh flowers, 2 makeup sessions, bersanding set, 4 sets of new costumes with accessories and shoes, bouquet and 12 potpourri for the main table FOC.

16. Guests list. We had to start compiling the names and addresses of guests. My mum helped out to ensure those relatives she remembered were included. I had the assistance of cousin Kamal to deliver the invitation cards later to those in Masjid Tanah, my late dad's hometown.

17. Invitation cards - for the solemnization ceremony (akad nikah) to be held in the evening and the wedding reception was to be held on the next day. We found an outlet at Alam Sentral, Shah Alam that sold cards designed in Syria that I liked.

18. Traditional kompang drums group . This was undertaken by the Event Manager to organise.

Silat Demo

19. Traditional silat martial art group. This was also undertaken by the Event Manager to organise.

20. Band and DJ. This was also undertaken by the Event Manager to organise.

Andre Goh Belting Out

21. Guest singer. I had wanted a singer who could sing traditional Malay songs, Andre Goh. This was undertaken by the Event Manager to organise.

22. Henna application. This would be done by the  manageress who handled the canopies and decor for the bridal room as she was also a  traditional bridal makeup artist, Mak Andam. 

23. Placards . This was undertaken by the Event Manager. My son would show him the places to put them up later.

24. Cameraman. This was undertaken by the Event Manager to organise.

25. Trousseau for the ceremony at the bridegroom's place. For fitting convenience we decided to have it prepared in Shah Alam by Zurays Bridal. A light green theme was selected.

26. Miscellaneous, a useful section.

We selected peach as the theme colour.

Two months to go and the invitation cards were mailed. My hubby still had not gotten his guests list done up yet. This would prove to be the most annoying thing. Later, he gave me his business cards collection for me to handle. 

My hubby had to make the necessary application to the Kadi, the religious official  Approval from the Kadi at the groom's hometown also had to be obtain by the groom. Meanwhile, both the couple had completed their compulsory marriage classes.

One month before the wedding, my elder brother called for another family meeting (berkampung). My brothers, cousins, a couple of neighbours and close friends and their spouses attended to discuss the wedding and the assignment of duties and the following main issues were discussed:

1. Ushers.

2. Overseeing of food served.

3. Bridesmaid/flower girls and page boys.

4. Girls to distribute gifts/eggs and boys to carry the bunga manggar, which was a pair of poles with decorations at the top carried to accompany the bridegroom when he and his entourage make their way to the bride's house.

5. Steaming of eggs.

6. Preparation of potpourri for the guests.

7.Rest place for the bridegroom's entourage before the solemnisation ceremony and reception. My front neighbour had  kindly offered their place.

8. A popular request to include a traditional poetry (pantun) reading session. So two ladies were selected to represent our side. They would also draft the pantuns for review and final approval.

9. Who would pick up the Kadi.

10.Entourage to the bridegroom's house (bertandang) in Alor Star, Kedah. As we would have to stay overnight, accommodation would have to be looked into.

After the meeting each of my cousins and sis-in-law took along the potpourri, cases, net material, egg stands, wires, ribbons, flowers etc. to help do them up. The finished products were collected within a couple of weeks all neatly arranged in boxes.

Two weeks before the wedding, my cousin came to help prepare the gifts for the bridegroom.

I am sorry if the above sounds  like a runaway train......! It was business after all!

There were more stuff to do as the wedding day approached. Rest assured that I am thankful to many relatives and the children who had pitched in during the wedding.

 The wedding, as it turned out was indeed something I couldn't forget. A few days after that, I had to rush my mum to the hospital where she expired  on 7th May, 2003. Again I had to summon my energy to handle the burial formalities for the first time in my life. God had His way of making things unforgettable. I will not try to rationalise that.................but accept it as something lost, something gained. That was her last picture up there blessing her grand daughter and her new grand son-in-law. May God bless her.

Updated : 16th July, 2010