Walking The Thin Line

A friend whom I came to know in Facebook is fighting for his life in ICU. Reading another friend's post on Facebook gave me this idea to put in writing my own experience of walking the thin line.

You know, life can be everything and anything our imagination may care to dwell upon. It may seem a chore or a burden if we think it a retribution for some trespasses of our forbears. It may also be a golden opportunity, no matter how fleeting the timeline is, and hence to be used in the best possible ways. Life may be orderly in the way Almighty created pairs of it - one to complement the other - nature's way to balance out the inequalities and hence ensuring equilibrium. That may be the formula to a life worth living. Yet, life may also seem strange in the way the past haunts and history repeats itself. Whilst the old renews, old ways are still resistant. Inertia seeps.

Life is a process of continuous decision making, dichotomous at least. It is that skill which seems illusive in many if not most. To some this task becomes gender centric. Some generations take the easy and obvious road. Some falter, some are unsure of their wants and needs such as in the choice of career, relationship, life style and so on. I have been fortunate to be able to make my own decisions even when they seem to be questionable or not completely sound to others especially my parents. Not that they had not tried to exert some influence but persistency wins the day. Hear me, once a decision is made you live with it

What is basic to my needs has always been to be myself in whatever circumstances. When you always endeavour to do your utmost, there is no need to impress. I need to be accepted for what I am, lock, stock and barrel.

I was so happy when our daughter's conception was confirmed such that only those who have been through the experience might understand. I swear that the waiting was more than what I had bargained for! Immediately my 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. was never the same. I would be laying on the doctor's couch in the Medical Dept. Queuing up for my banking or withdrawing my dad's monthly pension at the Post Office became more of a concern. Once the Post Master had to attend to me at my car. As for the bank patrons, they were good enough to let me sit until it was my turn. There was no number system then! Marketing was another concern. The smell of fresh coffee and fish sent my head into a spin before the cold sweat seeped out . Indeed the olfactory was working overtime such that even the sleeping arrangement had to be reviewed! Looking back I recall when I was carrying my son, I couldn't even bear the smell of boiling rice! No wonder folks romance with pride over motherhood. At this stage it wasn't even half the story yet!

Then I saw Mr Yeoh (Elaine Yeoh's hubby)as my gynae (he wasn't even my real gynae!)getting ready for a c-section on the big day. Suddenly, I saw people walking into the room with a wooden crate. "Gosh, it was my .........God, is this it", I thought. "No, no, I am not ready yet. My family needs me. My baby needs me. Please, I beg of you dear God". I talked and prayed so hard ......Was that a premonition?

Soon after, I took note that my brother who had gone to Penang for some work on the proposed Penang Bridge, had made a dash back upon news of the delivery of my daughter. "How odd", I thought. It wasn't like I was gravely ill... It was many years later that my mum broke her silence on the premonition that my brother had. I now understand why they both had taken special concern over me. My parents who were then staying in JB returned to stay in the PJ house and were on hand till we moved to our own house in Subang Jaya three years later.

On this Mother's Day, to both my children, know this that you are both loved, precious and are everything to me. Mama would implore the Almighty all over again. Love and take care of your children as I have mine. Allahu akbar...