If I were to write an epitaph for my late brother, it would be :
".......If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same......."
Aptly, the above lines from Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" appears in the tunnel leading to Wimbledon's Centre Court.
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| So Kind And Jovial........ |
On the evening of 20th January, 2013, I was reminded by my late brother's children that he would have been 64 on that day. Suddenly, I felt a sense of solitude. I was awaiting my turn to bless his daughter and husband as newly weds, this time at a "bertandang" reception on the groom's side.
Ham and I spent more time together during our childhood days before I left for boarding school in 1961. Apart from some years he'd stayed with the grandparents when dad got posted to Padang Besar (he was just a toddler then), I don't remember us not being together. Mum had told me that grandparents thought that it was no place to be bringing up little kids. It was also my mum's first move out of the family home and she was to have the two older kids to mind. At the family home in Alor Gajah, there were the uncles and aunties on hand. However, I am more inclined to believe that the grandparents who may have not been ready to part company. For that reason too I believe Ham had indeed over time become grandpa's favourite. My aunties told me that grandpa was very strict with them. They would get it from grandpa whenever Ham let out as much as a cry!
As a school kid he was amicable. He made friends easily and with whoever, whatsoever. He would lend his comic books to friends. Once he was reprimanded by dad for lending some volumes of the junior encyclopaedia to a friend. Dad remarked that he had bought the books for his own children to read! When we were all grown dad gave them away to his sister's family for her children to read. I am not too sure whether it was fully utilised. In those days, reading habit was generally a bit of a challenge for village children.
Ham was very interested in sports and would make early preparations before every sports day. Once he even sleepwalked after an early bedtime. The rest of us were in the sitting room when he came anxiously asking why the taxi had left without him. We said "What taxi?" and he returned to bed. Of course he did not remember any of it! He grew up to become a school 400m runner and footballer as related by my parents.
When my granddaughter sleepwalk after an excitable evening, I wonder if she is taking after her granduncle!
When we were growing up we played marbles, tops, other toys and even dolls I'd made from cloth remnants. We collected cigarette boxes and rubber bands and invented games where we can gain more collections from the losers. When we were older we played cards and monopoly. Ham never liked losing. He would have an extra card up his sleeve if needed be! Once dad organised a monopoly challenge with prizes for the winners. Ham had then focussed on becoming the first prize winner. When he didn't win it, it made the situation a little difficult for the rest of us! For the record, I had won the challenge.
Dad had always been interested in sports too. There is the ever present badminton/tennis rackets, hockey sticks, cricket bats and other paraphernalia. We tried them all. Once we were short of a hockey stick and found the answer in a tapioca stem with an about 5 inches root! Some passengers in a bus that passed by must have been entertained by us as we could hear them!
During those days fathers were usually concerned about sons growing up to be boys. Dad had bought two sets of boxing gloves for the boys to slug one another. When I was nurturing my own son, the same thought came to mind. Bringing up kids in an urban environment is quite different. They do not get to climb trees like we did in the village nor play the traditional games outdoors. I have discussed this several times with the hubby. We fear that boys would grow up physically awkward in many ways. In the end we sent our son to swimming and tennis classes. House chores were not spared . Other skills, he picked up on his own.
Ham's constant companions were his cat, radio transistor and a cousin who had come to stay a couple of years earlier before I left for boarding school . I think his cat(s) must have died a thousand deaths if he were not around. Ham would cry whenever any died. I only keep cats at an arm's length. Till today I have to explain that I am a little ticklish of it's fur and that I would not be able to take any death if I were very close with them.
He developed a very good knowledge of contemporary music and songs. Mum once told me he had won a competition organized by the Radio Station. I don't remember what he'd received though.
Ham went on to join the Royal Malaysian Navy. He received his early training at the Royal Military College, Sg Besi and the Royal Naval College, Dartmouth twice. He had the privilege of meeting HRH Prince Charles there during his Midshipman training. As you know, the British royal family is traditionally very close with the Navy. Research tells me that HRH Prince Charles was in RNC for a 6-week course before moving on to serve on the guided missile destroyer HMS Norfolk.
Ham's second sojourn at Dartmouth was for a hydrography training. I was a student in London at the time. Although I was late for his passing out parade, I managed to attend the ball later in the evening. The guys were real gentlemen. I understand the Malaysian Navy do not send their people there anymore.
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| The Royal Naval College, Dartmouth |
He sailed many seas and was a very good story teller of his adventure in new places. A magnanimous man. I still keep in our PJ home the classical record album he had bought for me during his stay in Japan. I can't quite remember if it is Swan Lake or Sleeping Beauty. As we no longer have a functioning record player it is hardly touched now. That probably was more than sufficient payback for my stamp collection sale money (for Bridgnorth Stamp Club) that he had taken liberty on. I had been a member of the Club in the 50s and I understand the club still exists.
At the auspicious event of the marriage of his two younger children I cannot help but remember him. When it was all over, he appeared in my dream seated at a dining table gesturing me to the seat next to him. I suppose he must be pleased ..........Sleep well, my dear brother. Al-fatiha.
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| Here We Are In Our Golden Years |
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