Parenthood Taking Another Leap

When our son began to take notice of girls, we told ourselves that he was growing up as any normal boy would. There was a time when I had to seek his understanding and good sense when it comes down to getting serious with any girl. Just a motherly advise.......

Now the stage is set once again. He had declared that he wants to take their friendship to another level and that he wants us, parents, to propose an engagement. Two rings were shown to me, a merisik  (enquiry) ring and an engagement ring. Most people would surmise that merisik is spying. I do not think spying reflects the seriousness and nobleness  of the matter. In the old days merisik would involve an investigation or enquiry into the other family and the availability of the lady the man has in  mind to propose to. It was usually done by the man's parents or representatives. Today, as society becomes more open and on account of geography, most things are prearranged between the couple. Families  have known one another for quite a while and therefore merisik has become more  symbolic in nature. Traditionally the mother's ring ( a simple gold band) is used for the merisik as a symbol of the intent. It is returned upon the engagement  (betrothal). However, it has become common practice now for the boy to get a new ring and ultimately give it away to the fiance as a gift.

So, our family had gotten together and a suitable date was picked. As the girl's place is in Kuantan, a three hours straight drive from Shah Alam, we shall do the merisik and the engagement  together. My brother-in-law had generously offered accommodation at his house in Kuantan if we need to stay overnight. It was then that we knew his family had finally stayed put in Kuantan while he moved on to stay at the plantation  where he is manager of.. He usually take a weekend drive back to Kuantan to be with his family.

Najib was immediately put in charge of information and logistics. The subject was raised during a berkampung (meeting of the family elders) for a nephew's coming wedding. Those who would possibly be with the engagement party were noted.

Berkampung is a meeting of family elders. In the Minangkabau  Perpatih tradition it is done before family ceremonies reflecting the kind of togetherness and cooperation between family members through thick and thin as per the following quatrain:

  Kalau  berat sama dipikul,
  Kalau ringan sama dijinjing.
  Ke bukit sama mendaki,
  Ke lurah sama menurun.

Literally it means : 
  If it's heavy we shall carry it together on our back,
  If it's light, we shall lift it together with our hands.
  Together we shall scale the mountain,
  Together we shall descend to the valley.

Traditionally, the meeting of family members of the same suku (matrilineal family) is headed by the Buapak who is an elected male member. He overseas all planning and execution of work done for the families he is head of. Today, as city dwellers, we still preserve similar concepts and values amongst  close family members. Instead of the Buapak, we do have a spontaneous understanding of the "leadership" amongst the elders. It does not necessarily be the oldest among us. A leader must also be willing to take the baton.

My daughter took charge of preparing the hantaran (gifts), five trays in all. They shall be headed by the traditional tepak sireh, a brassteel (some say brass and silver) receptacle set for the pinang (beetle nut of areca palm), gambir (of family Rubiaceae), mineral lime (for catalyst), cloves, and most importantly the sireh (piper betle leaf). We filled the extra container with jelly beans! 

The Tepak Sireh 

Chewing betle leaf is an age old habit inherent in Southern Asia and the Pacific region. While there is little scientific study done, many believe the concoction does have medicinal value. It is often used by traditional medicine men. Some chew it for enhancing facial aura.......The tepak sireh is also a highly symbolic item in the Malay customs and traditions. In daily life it becomes an opener and in a ceremonial events it indicates that the visitor has come with a very big wish or hope.

The other gifts consist of fairly customary items like material for the wedding dress, perfume & makeup set, sweets, a fondant cake and most importantly the rings.

All items were given a little decoration of ribbons and flowers and placed on our traditional dulang pahar  (brass trays). Some people would have these done up by professionals and rent the dulangs from them. We managed them ourselves. The embroidered dulang covers are from the ones I made for our daughter's wedding nine years ago. Many thanks to my daughter, Azreen and cousin Azie for  helping out.

The Hantaran

I was pretty sure that over the years, sometimes lending them to others, we have lost a couple of the dulangs  We used to have nine of them and now we have only six left! I will leave it to God to deal with that......

We had spent some time polishing the dulangs with Brasso which came fully recommended by the hubby who had grown up polishing his late dad's police brass studs. Quite a joy it was having the three of us working on them together. 

We drove to Kuantan on 081212 in such fine weather. However, we did notice a burning Merc and a stalled trailer along the highway. We stopped over at one or two R & R for streatching and refreshments.

Goodbye From A Caring Neighbour

A Rare Pic With All Four  Of Us

Resting At A R & R

We found my brother-in-law's place without much difficulty. That night we had dinner at one of the many seafood centres dotting Jalan Gambang. Food was good !

The morning of 091212 was a hive of activity. Early morning my brother-in-law had gone to buy the traditional breakfast of Kuantan - Nasi Dagang and of course the ever present roti canai (unliven bread taken with curry).

Later, the rest of the family members making a day's trip from Kuala Lumpur started arriving. 

Traditional Breakfast of Nasi Dagang 

Om Hermi And The Kids 

The Meminang  (Engagement) Party 

Some Of The Gift Bearers

Our party arrived at En Rasip's place at 12:15 pm and was quickly ushered into the house as it had started to drizzle. Immediately the salutations, introduction and discussion began.

 Three Very Important Members Of  Our Family 

Representatives Of Both Families 

Belting It Out

En Rasip's Answer Is..........

The merisik ring was the first to be  presented to En Rasip for his and his daughter's approval. It was then followed by the discussion on the engagement. Some clarifications regarding the wedding were also made and noted for purpose of subsequent preparation.

Guests Following The Discussion

The Other Guests

The  discussions were all over by 1 am. I then slipped the engagement ring on to the finger of En Rasip's daughter, Mazni Ezura. An enclosing doa prayers ensued. Then only Najib joined us in the photo session and the  reception.

Photographers The Photographed

Yes The Ring Fits Very Well

A Candid Moment
(Can't Remember What Happened)

With The Ladies Of The  Family

A Section of the Balasan (Reciprocal Gifts)

The girl's balasan is usually two more in number in keeping with the odd numbering. I am yet to understand why it is usually odd and not even in number!

A Section Of The Gifts

The Treats Corner. That Tiffin Carrier Sure looks Familiar!

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Azreen & Mazni 

The Parents

For The Family Album

The So Cute Door Gifts - Fondant Cakes

 Alhamdulillah, by the grace of God all went well. Many thanks to En Rasip, Pn Zuriah  and family for being such lovely and gracious  hosts.

Thanks and hugs too to the relatives for your support and cooperation.

Till we meet again ..............

Freaky Weather Hit Shah Alam 081212

We left Shah Alam in the afternoon for Kuantan. The weather was so fine all the way. Little did we know that a freaky weather with high wind hit Shah Alam later that evening.

We returned to shah Alam on 091212 late evening and were surprised to see tree branches piled up on the roadside. We thought that the local city council had done some pruning work on the trees in the area.

Here is a glimpse of the aftermath 3 days later.

Shoddy Work Alright Just Next to My Gate

I was told that MPSA contractors have cleared the roads in the neighbourhood on the next day. Perhaps since we were not home they have indiscriminately piled up the sawn off branches in front of our house on both sides of the gate. Just who were these people with such brains??? I wonder how long MBSA is going to get  the mess cleared up.

A neighbour noted the contractors have been plying back and forth in their Hilux.  Soon after they just disappeared leaving two scrawny looking guys with a chainsaw.....a pathetic looking duo really.  What the winds didn't destroy, these duo did! She lost a garden light. 

I am told about 30 trees have been either uprooted or damaged. A neighbour had on the next road had his wall fence damaged by a fallen tree from the opposite side of the road. So note how tall the trees are!

The trees in our immediate neighbourhood that are affected are all of the Trumpet Tree (Tabebuia rosea) with trumpet like  flowers of white or pink. a had once collected some of the fallen flowers for a friend who said that it is good for fertilising plants. (See pic below)

I have requested the authority several times before to prune the whole tree but all it did was pruned just the sides. So the tree has grown taller and taller to the heaven above....I do not have to be a landscape architect to know the risk of that! Now it is saying that no one had complained before. Well if you wait for someone to complain wouldn't it be too late? 

What Is Left Of My Mengkudu (Noni) Tree

 

My Staghorn Fern Is Now Rolling On The Ground

Waiting for Someone To Help Put It Up

Remembering Wo

I woke up this morning with thoughts of  my late paternal grandfather whom I refer to as Wo (pronounced as "war"). Al fatihah to him.  I recall him as being called Sidang Omar by the village folks and I wonder what that means.....

In Malacca, Tok Sidang is the highest official in a "Mukim" comprising of a group of villages or "kampongs". It is a subdistrict under the current National Land Code. In the village, the highest official is the headman or "Penghulu". He may also be the Tok Sidang or Tok Empat. I am not sure of the origin of Tok Empat (4) but I do believe there must be four of them or one of four. 

A customary Malay village usually  starts from one or more groups of kinfolks linked by intermarriages. The primary authority rests with the headman who is usually a member of the principal or founding family. He assumes office usually through inheritance. His duties are, amongst others, to keep the peace of the village, surrender wrong doers to district chief, provides tribute labour and sometimes produce from the village, allocate surplus land and function as judge. By the Malacca Code of the 16th century, he is also required to understand religious law, principle of natural justice, principle of right conduct and customary law or "adat".

The Malacca social structure has been adapted by other states like Perak and Pahang and it might be of great interest to delve into how it all began in Malacca.

It all began in the land of Minangkabau in Sumatra where  matrilineality in descent and inheritance encouraged the men to be engaged in voluntary migration or "merantau" as early as the 12th century. They sailed up the Straits of Malacca and then the Linggi  River and came upon an area much like their own homeland. Unfortunately, the area then was inhabited  by the local aboriginal Jakuns. Legend has it that their women were of exceptional beauty and charm. So the Minangkabau men sought out the headman to discuss marriage. Whilst the Jakuns were initially reluctant they finally agreed to one lady for the Minangkabau leader. The Jakuns were ultimately absorbed into the Minangkabau colonies. They were the Biduanda and Mantera clans of Negeri Sembilan and Malacca.

They were introduced to the "adat perpateh" which has a pre-Islamic origin of matrilineality and Indic  of pre-Hindu belief and practices as per their metaphorical language of rich corpus of oral tradition found in it's customary sayings or "perbilangan" and "pantuns", sequence of quatrains.

The Jakuns were also  introduced to the techniques of wet-rice agriculture and the teachings of Sunni Islam of the Shafie school of thoughts. 

Later arrivals were not always Minangkabaus. The  later influx of Javanese into Malaya in 1600s were most likely to seek new life away from the Dutch colonialists. There are many Java villages, Kampong Jawa in Malacca  including the one on a hill in Alor Gajah, Malacca. Through intermarriages they too became assimilated into the Minangkabau  community.

Invariably, the villages became organised into matricianc ("suku"), subclans ("perut" meaning stomach) with common ancestress and lineally related members of matri-unilocal residential units. With this I recall my own "suku" is named after the locality of our original village - (Solok) Limau Perut - hence, Anak Melaka Limau Perut. I have visited Solok Limau Perut near Alor Gajah, Malacca, but once. It was a typical Minangkabau village with stretches of padi fields in the periphery. The "Buapak", a sub-chief helps to check and oversee relationship among persons.

Strange Things Can Happen.............

Strange things can happen when you always talk about it.......

With family friends when grandma and  my older brother came to visit.

When we moved to Kota Bahru in the 50s, the people who were previously staying at the quarters hinted out at the strange air of the house. Dad just shrug it off as utter nonsense. Mum never utter a word about it to us, kids.

It was a two-roomed wooden house, with a servant's room adjoining the kitchen. In those days a servant's room would just have a wooden deck, about 3 to 4 feet high at a section of the room which may also serve as a bed. All it needed further was a mattress. The two other rooms were on either side of the sitting room. My younger brother and I took the one furnished with two single beds.

For some unexplained reasons we never used  the bathroom adjoining our bedroom. Even when I needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I would make a sound till my mum gave me the green light to enter the master bedroom and use the bathroom there. I had always felt a dislike of the bathroom adjoining the kids' bedroom. I can't explain it further except that it gave me the creeps. Surprisingly, my brother who was about 6 years old did not use it either. It was only used occasionally by some people attending the Immigration Office in front.

In the evening, after dinner, mum and dad would often sit atop the front steps chatting away while we kids did our homework or reading in the sitting room. It was much later after we had moved that they related to me what they had seen on some of the evenings. 

Once they had seen a flying thing with fiery trailing tentacle-like structures from it's belly side. They just watched it as they knew better not to utter anything when seeing such a thing. 

At another time they had seen a dark shadow moving under the mangosteen tree on their left. They had bolted into the house before it became clearer what it was!

Those were the golden age of Malay film industry and there were a number of Malay horror movies like Pontianak, Anak Pontianak, Sumpah Pontianak, Dendam Pontianak and  Orang Minyak to name a few. At school, we would spend recess time  discussing the movies we had seen while some would also spice it up with what they said were true experience. I think all these activites somehow affected me in some ways. I had nightmares fairly often. At times I couldn't move my body even when I tried to yell. I often visualise a shadow trying to sleep with my brother across the room.

One day my parents announced that we were going to visit a friend in Rantau Panjang. This place was an Immigration checkpoint near the Golok River. There was no road there and the only way to get there was to take a train. Once we went across the railway bridge to Golok Town on foot. Malaysians loved to go there to buy Thai made tableware and other household items. Crossing the railway bridge on foot was quite an experience ..... just do not look down, they said.

The whole Immigration Dept community lived in the quarters provided. A family friend had had some friends visiting them and his wife had just gone missing. Dad had come all the way from Kota Bahru to lend a hand. A search party was organised but it was unable to find the missing woman. News had it that it was some months before she was found on a tree in a forested area, without a stitch on !

Oh, My!

I am really at a lost with this new blog applications. How do I get to my drafts. Can anyone help me, please.

Book Review: Iran Awakening

Iran Awakening by Shirin Ebadi
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Shirin opens her prologue with the admittance of the state on the killings of it's critics. While straining through piles of files and interrogation transcripts to build the victim's family case she saw the killing list which states that she would be next.....

Shirin recounted her childhood and university years during what was to culminate into a very tumultuous period of Iran. It had traversed the period of the Qajar Dynasty, Reza Shah, Mohammad Mossadegh and Shah Pahlavi with devastating consequences. Soon she found herself serving an unpopular government within the justice system.

I remember back in 1971 when the 2500 years of Persian Empire celebration was held at the ruins of Persepolis both with utter pomp and extravaganza. $300m was spent on silk tents with marble bathrooms, food and wine when so many poor didn't even have baths. The exiled Ayatollah Khomeini was livid.

Soon the Shah Pahlavi absconded and the Ayatollah was back. Laws were rewritten as fast as they could ....so was women's status. Shirin, the once lady Judge soon found herself "transferred". The same transgressions on human lives repeated themselves this time in the name of you know who.

It would appear to me that the the revolution resulted in changing one tyrannical rule with another......She remained in Iran helping out victims of the power of the day. The Nobel Peace Prize was an acknowledgement of her effort and sacrifice in a country still having problems with it's human right issues.


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BOOK REVIEW : THE FAMILY

The Family by Mario Puzo

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Motivated by The Borgias I stumbled upon on Astro Ch720......Boy, it is really like the Godfather of the 15th century. Inspite of the earthly character or misdemeanor of Rodrigo Borgia or Pope Alexander VI, he was still an admirable strategist of the time. He ruled as the Caliph of the Papal States or a king of any kingdom. The middle ages were strange times.....Mario Puzo, as usual was in his elements.

I realise that politics in the middle ages were no different everywhere. The need or desire to hold one's seat of power could drive one to all all sorts of commitments.....alliances through marriage and the hostage system, corruption, murder, abduction, treachery.... even for the holy who took residence in the Vatican. Man's earthly considerations were often given a blind eye.....

Puzo did not complete the book. He died. Based on notes on the last chapter Carol Gino, a nurse, finished it.

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How Did I Get There?

Amidst the frenzy of the never ending tennis and badminton matches and championships on telecast in the last two months, I  surprise even myself  with this weekly peek at Masterchef Selebriti Malaysia at the same time. I do not watch local productions that much but when I stumbled on this one I thought it was rather interesting. This may have been due to the mixed presence of celebs from different genre...actors, comedians, singers, producers, astronaut ......

The programme had started in May 2012. It is part of the television  cookgame show  franchise, MasterChef created by Franc Roddam, which originated with the UK version of the show in 1990. Malaysia is one of about 35 countries cashing in on the program. I have seen a few episodes of the Malaysian Master Chef Season 1 but I never really watch it with much interest. By the time I got hooked  to the celebrity version, there were already a few eliminations. I guess the participants, being an expressive lot, makes the difference. 

They are now down to the last five.

The three permanent judges are Moh Johari Edrus (Chef Jo), Zubir Md. Zain  (Chef Zubir), Adu Amran Hassan (Chef Adu). So the guy, Wan something...who had caused waves over his appointment to the other series is now in oblivion?

A Evening With John Carter

Saturday 17th March, 2012 was one of those evenings again when the hubby snapped his fingers and announced that we should go for a movie. We drove to Subang Parade in Subang Jaya and quickly checked the show times (a number of studios are showing the same movie .....must be good!)and there Din went to get the tickets (@ 50% of course for seniors). In the mean time I managed to find a small notice on the counter giving a sinopsis of the movie.

I am really no sci-fi lover. I never enjoyed Star Wars and never even see all of it. Anything with robots or mechanical monsters are not my cup of tea. The banners have been misleading and I was sure Din thought it was about Jimmy Carter!!

After a quick dinner at Uncle Lim's and browsing at MPH (where else!), we made our way into the cinema. You know how dim they keep the lights. So, why bother trying to check the seat numbers? A10 and A11 must be on the first row. The seats were very comfortable and I thought they felt like the Business Class airline seats. It was when other patrons arrived that we realised we were seating in the "AA" couple row seats! Well since there were many seats available we continued to enjoy the "couple" seats :)

Surprise number one, John Carter is a Disney production. The story line wasn't so bad after all though I was mainly trying to distinguish the Tharks and the others and what have they. The Tharks have 4 hands, 12 feet tall and they do not fly. There was a race who could change shapes and looks and who seemed to "manage" what was happening on Mars. They have the ability to teleport themselves anywhere, even to Jarsoom (Earth) by the use of a medallion and a mantra.

The setting was in New York and Virginia on Jarsoom (Earth) and Barsoom (Mars). A war vet, John Carter had himself teleported to Mars where he got involved in another war between the City States of Zadonga and Helium. Being less inhibited by gravity on Mars, John could leap/jump to the envy of any high jumper on Earth! That proved to be of a turning point in the war effort. I thought with that ability, he really would not need any flying machine!

The ending was a sweet surprise. I will not spoil it for those who might be interested to see the movie.The shape shifters make me wonder of the possibility of such beings managing what happens on Earth.

However, I was sure Din could have slept through most of the movie.