Parenthood Taking Another Leap

When our son began to take notice of girls, we told ourselves that he was growing up as any normal boy would. There was a time when I had to seek his understanding and good sense when it comes down to getting serious with any girl. Just a motherly advise.......

Now the stage is set once again. He had declared that he wants to take their friendship to another level and that he wants us, parents, to propose an engagement. Two rings were shown to me, a merisik  (enquiry) ring and an engagement ring. Most people would surmise that merisik is spying. I do not think spying reflects the seriousness and nobleness  of the matter. In the old days merisik would involve an investigation or enquiry into the other family and the availability of the lady the man has in  mind to propose to. It was usually done by the man's parents or representatives. Today, as society becomes more open and on account of geography, most things are prearranged between the couple. Families  have known one another for quite a while and therefore merisik has become more  symbolic in nature. Traditionally the mother's ring ( a simple gold band) is used for the merisik as a symbol of the intent. It is returned upon the engagement  (betrothal). However, it has become common practice now for the boy to get a new ring and ultimately give it away to the fiance as a gift.

So, our family had gotten together and a suitable date was picked. As the girl's place is in Kuantan, a three hours straight drive from Shah Alam, we shall do the merisik and the engagement  together. My brother-in-law had generously offered accommodation at his house in Kuantan if we need to stay overnight. It was then that we knew his family had finally stayed put in Kuantan while he moved on to stay at the plantation  where he is manager of.. He usually take a weekend drive back to Kuantan to be with his family.

Najib was immediately put in charge of information and logistics. The subject was raised during a berkampung (meeting of the family elders) for a nephew's coming wedding. Those who would possibly be with the engagement party were noted.

Berkampung is a meeting of family elders. In the Minangkabau  Perpatih tradition it is done before family ceremonies reflecting the kind of togetherness and cooperation between family members through thick and thin as per the following quatrain:

  Kalau  berat sama dipikul,
  Kalau ringan sama dijinjing.
  Ke bukit sama mendaki,
  Ke lurah sama menurun.

Literally it means : 
  If it's heavy we shall carry it together on our back,
  If it's light, we shall lift it together with our hands.
  Together we shall scale the mountain,
  Together we shall descend to the valley.

Traditionally, the meeting of family members of the same suku (matrilineal family) is headed by the Buapak who is an elected male member. He overseas all planning and execution of work done for the families he is head of. Today, as city dwellers, we still preserve similar concepts and values amongst  close family members. Instead of the Buapak, we do have a spontaneous understanding of the "leadership" amongst the elders. It does not necessarily be the oldest among us. A leader must also be willing to take the baton.

My daughter took charge of preparing the hantaran (gifts), five trays in all. They shall be headed by the traditional tepak sireh, a brassteel (some say brass and silver) receptacle set for the pinang (beetle nut of areca palm), gambir (of family Rubiaceae), mineral lime (for catalyst), cloves, and most importantly the sireh (piper betle leaf). We filled the extra container with jelly beans! 

The Tepak Sireh 

Chewing betle leaf is an age old habit inherent in Southern Asia and the Pacific region. While there is little scientific study done, many believe the concoction does have medicinal value. It is often used by traditional medicine men. Some chew it for enhancing facial aura.......The tepak sireh is also a highly symbolic item in the Malay customs and traditions. In daily life it becomes an opener and in a ceremonial events it indicates that the visitor has come with a very big wish or hope.

The other gifts consist of fairly customary items like material for the wedding dress, perfume & makeup set, sweets, a fondant cake and most importantly the rings.

All items were given a little decoration of ribbons and flowers and placed on our traditional dulang pahar  (brass trays). Some people would have these done up by professionals and rent the dulangs from them. We managed them ourselves. The embroidered dulang covers are from the ones I made for our daughter's wedding nine years ago. Many thanks to my daughter, Azreen and cousin Azie for  helping out.

The Hantaran

I was pretty sure that over the years, sometimes lending them to others, we have lost a couple of the dulangs  We used to have nine of them and now we have only six left! I will leave it to God to deal with that......

We had spent some time polishing the dulangs with Brasso which came fully recommended by the hubby who had grown up polishing his late dad's police brass studs. Quite a joy it was having the three of us working on them together. 

We drove to Kuantan on 081212 in such fine weather. However, we did notice a burning Merc and a stalled trailer along the highway. We stopped over at one or two R & R for streatching and refreshments.

Goodbye From A Caring Neighbour

A Rare Pic With All Four  Of Us

Resting At A R & R

We found my brother-in-law's place without much difficulty. That night we had dinner at one of the many seafood centres dotting Jalan Gambang. Food was good !

The morning of 091212 was a hive of activity. Early morning my brother-in-law had gone to buy the traditional breakfast of Kuantan - Nasi Dagang and of course the ever present roti canai (unliven bread taken with curry).

Later, the rest of the family members making a day's trip from Kuala Lumpur started arriving. 

Traditional Breakfast of Nasi Dagang 

Om Hermi And The Kids 

The Meminang  (Engagement) Party 

Some Of The Gift Bearers

Our party arrived at En Rasip's place at 12:15 pm and was quickly ushered into the house as it had started to drizzle. Immediately the salutations, introduction and discussion began.

 Three Very Important Members Of  Our Family 

Representatives Of Both Families 

Belting It Out

En Rasip's Answer Is..........

The merisik ring was the first to be  presented to En Rasip for his and his daughter's approval. It was then followed by the discussion on the engagement. Some clarifications regarding the wedding were also made and noted for purpose of subsequent preparation.

Guests Following The Discussion

The Other Guests

The  discussions were all over by 1 am. I then slipped the engagement ring on to the finger of En Rasip's daughter, Mazni Ezura. An enclosing doa prayers ensued. Then only Najib joined us in the photo session and the  reception.

Photographers The Photographed

Yes The Ring Fits Very Well

A Candid Moment
(Can't Remember What Happened)

With The Ladies Of The  Family

A Section of the Balasan (Reciprocal Gifts)

The girl's balasan is usually two more in number in keeping with the odd numbering. I am yet to understand why it is usually odd and not even in number!

A Section Of The Gifts

The Treats Corner. That Tiffin Carrier Sure looks Familiar!

f

Azreen & Mazni 

The Parents

For The Family Album

The So Cute Door Gifts - Fondant Cakes

 Alhamdulillah, by the grace of God all went well. Many thanks to En Rasip, Pn Zuriah  and family for being such lovely and gracious  hosts.

Thanks and hugs too to the relatives for your support and cooperation.

Till we meet again ..............