OF NINE-ELEVENS "N" THE LITTLE BOOK

I reckon we all have our very own nine-eleven.....from whatever perspective it may be. I started reflecting and penning mine since 09-11-2007. I had received a call from my dear cousin Bidi regarding his mum's impending admission to hospital. All at once there seemed to be an unstoppable mental replay of all the good deeds she had done for me. When my parents were in East Malaysia, she had taken me in over the school holidays or semester break. I would assist in simple chores like bathing the little cousins,yes, Bidi included, and dressing them up. I realised then how fragile life could be.

As Bidi was already in Malacca, we waited till his wife was able to make the journey back to Malacca later in the day. My hubby took the wheel. By the time we arrived, my aunt was already asleep, to rest for the operation scheduled on the next morning.

I could tell that uncle was worried from the way he rattled on about how careful auntie had been with her medication. Well, she is my mother's sister after all and I was not the least surprised. My mum too had been a very good "patient" when it came to her daily medication for her diabetes and whatever had she. Well, the least I could do was to listen to uncle. Oh boy, Bidi's wife was having something like a "100 years" cough! That was pretty worrying.

All next of kin were summoned to the doctor next morning at 8.00 a.m. and the operation was scheduled at 9.00. Well, amongst others, they were informed that there were three blockages and veins from both thighs were to be used. It was a 5 hour operations and we were thankful that it went well with very little bleeding. We feel blessed with the good news and were very glad that we could spend the time to be with the family and to provide whatever comfort and assistance possible.

We have had several more nine-elevens since then with the aging members of the "clan". We thank God for our well being and pray for those who had to undergo more trying moments. A maternal uncle, Pak Ngah expired within days of what appeared to have been a successful operation and my maternal uncle's wife, Mak Long lost out after a month's battle in hospital. At this day, a paternal cousin is still recuperating in hospital after an operation that had gone bust. A subsequent one had been done to adjust what went wrong. The list goes on......

During trying times I am always reminded of forgiveness and forgiving. I always have this little book where I note down important stuff like beautiful passages or phrases, information or just thoughts and feelings. However, the most difficult but meaningful item I had penned down was about forgiving. People say " to err is human, to forgive is divine". What in the world is "forgiving"? I know and you know that it does NOT say that it is all right to hurt others. Please do not think that I am inferring that those I mentioned above have wronged me. Far from it.....

Smedes says that forgiving makes up for what God could not give us when he made us i.e. the power to change the past; he could not invent the deletion button for bad things that happens to us. All he could give us is the power to remember them. Once wounded and wronged, the gift of memory becomes an inability to forget, hence our inability to be glad about life.

Yes, forgiveness therefore does not change the past, but it does change the future. Would you rather lead a life of resentment of the wrong done unto you? Let the hate stew in us and thereby giving them more power to hurt us? To get over this resentment is to forgive the people who did the wrong. The way to do that is through UNDERSTANDING. You heal once you are able to release the person from his actions. It is a slow process It is indeed the most difficult in the whole bag of personal relationship. It is after all not for those who offended or wronged you, but for your own self.