THIS HOUSE RECOGNIZES.....

I must say our family life, it's values and the role of members have changed a great deal.

I recall Tun Dr Mahathir's account of the impact of the sound of his father clearing his throat - an announcement of his arrival home - would suffice to send him and his siblings scurrying to their books. My late mum used to tell me how quiet her siblings had to be at dinner table ....not a clicking sound of cutlery nor lapping was allowed. As such  most prefer not to sit with their dad  during mealtime! 

While I was growing up, my brother and I had our moments too. No talking while eating. Chew the food well and do not  simply push it down with the drink. However, absenting ourselves from mealtime  was a no-no unless we were ill. Dad would go looking for us and if necessary drag us back to the table. We all ate our meals together including the maid. With the quorum complete, all too  often it would also become the house court session.

Recently, a cousin-in-law had related her experience with my dad during her early marriage life. Cousin Bidi would often go to visit my parents to relish his favourite masak asam which mum would prepare for his visit. Little did his wife know what a diciplinarian dad was! Her every move and demeanor was being watched and comments were meted out immediately. The rest of us could not help but laughed out till we teared at her story.

Rule 1 : Only dad and my mum could sit crossed knee on the sofa.

Rule 2 : You do not hold the saucer at it's edge while drinking from the cup.  You should just place the saucer on the palm of your hand.

......and so on with the usual stuff on table manners. Even I was amazed! We put it to her that it was an initiation into the family!

When I was bringing up my own children, I focused a lot on their table manners. Among others, I advocated sitting down when eating and using at least the serving plate and  a fork when eating. It backfired one day when my son, then attending kindergarten, refused to eat his friend's birthday cake which was shared out in class. Apparently, the cake was served on a piece of serviette in the kitchen. Obviously my son was not able to handle that!  My son was also a stickler to the rules as far as food is concerned. He would  insist on the soup to be served first each time we had our meals in the restaurant. There were times when we had to order the soup just for him so that he would start his meal.

Today, I see our six year old grand daughter making decision on where and what to eat when we eat out. Gone were the days when the father's words were pure commandments and girls were only  seen and not heard. Wives are are putting their feet down more often. Many are even on the driver's seat  Are men turning out to be weaker fathers or husbands?

A quick check amongst some young Muslims at a forum I attended recently revealed that they want more communication between partners/spouses. The idea of a single leader of the family is  an outmoded idea. Personally, I feel it should remain in the Classical and Medieval times. All opinion should be based on knowledge rather than gender. Days when girls were not given an education have long gone by. In this country, the girls seem to be doing better academically. Growing up in an environment where they need to juggle between housework and schoolwork have also made them  multitasking if not better workers.........

These days, decisions especially those affecting the family are made through consultations. We did not replace our last maid on the recommendation of the children. As such they had to learn to stick to their agreement on how to handle and conduct themselves.  Usually, the younger the voice, the greater is the chance for it to be heard.....and hear we better do as we have learned!!